This poem is based on the true events of my life

Being born onto an air force
Mid October, winters chase
First recalling my fathers place
First tasting life’s taste

Softball fields with my mother
No father, just each other
Attempt to give me a baby brother
She left that man to get another

I remember when I first reached high school
How was that day?
Hot and sunny
In the Florida bay
I remember joining the football team to play a game
But every day stayed the same
After the season, body lay lame
I was a coward, always ashamed

Then my first love
Catyln Marie Davis
I thanked God for the love he gave us
I wondered if he really would have saved us
Then that changed, then he betrayed us

I remember I left her for another
She kept on writing how she loved another
I looked at that man, just like a brother
I was smoking weed, unbeknown to my mother

My house without warning, fire it consumed
I remember still walking the streets
Under any kind of moon
Always high
Always stoned
Always looking to fuck
Then I blamed God for my home
Oh how religion sucked

Before I dated another
Catie called me at nine
Exclaiming how life was wrong
How it wasn’t fine
She was running away
To me, to be mine
I doubted her
And smoked the next day
A knock on the door
Is how it started that day
I opened up
And there she stayed
In my bed we fucked
Taking my virginity away

The police finally came and stole her away
Mom didn’t care
She’d always had her way
She was in the back
Smoking through a crack pipe
Trippin out so hard
Everything was alright

Then I remember one day after school
My father filing for custody
I thought him a fool
A private eye to see my moms dope
I wanted death
Attempts at to choke
Suicide had already passed me before
As a Satanist I was ready for more
He came knocking
Knocking at my door
I swung on him
Calling his wife a whore

I was sent to jail
Where I told them of my urges
They sent me to a mental hospital
Where they dealt with my surges

The charges dropped and I talked to my dad
I asked him if he loved me
Was I mistake to be had?
He told me no
That’s where I’d been had
I left the hospital
Feeling so glad

I moved to NC
My mom slowly after
I hated my father
He was like the jail captor
Always jumping on my back
Always giving me grief
I thought him a liar
To my youth, a thief

Middle school
Where I had many new loves
Kris, Jamie, Sarah innocent as a dove
Kris hated me because of my lustful ambitions
Jamie came next, she’d be later mentioned
Sarah and I were ripped from the start
Even though it was all brief
She still had my heart

Jamie Lynn Bunch, that’s a name I can’t forget
We put each other through so much shit
I believed our love to be forever lasting
She had different thoughts since she’d moved past me
She found another lover
Telling me she wanted time
I didn’t hate her then, just thought it was a crime
I later came to see her
At a forbidden time
My parents caught me
Right on the line
I e-mailed her, and her to I
She never wants to talk to me
Says it makes her cry
So I sit there, and then I as myself “why”
“Why when love did I deny?”
Others had sought my but I rejected
Feeling as though I was a virus, a walking infected

Now that I see my life with all the pain
There is no wound, emotional, physical, that’s ever the same
Life’s a game
I’ve already played
You can kill me but I’ll still forever be alive
I’ve lived love
I’ve lived death
I’ve enduring nothingness
But I’m still fucking alive
You cannot kill that which lives inside
Trust me my friend

Many have tried…