The Last Poem I Ever Want to Write About a Girl
By Mathesix
Today I watched the sun as it fell from the sky...
Literally
It crashed among the vermilion fields
Of unicorn haunts and fairy tale wishes
Like a firefly into my pupil
A kinetic response to mirror my pain
Spewing fire-drops of ruby discontent
Discontent, malcontent, this monument I do raise
A testament
To every wondrous moment we shared
Lollipops and gumdrops and bubblegum patches
To seal the cracks created
Created, cremated, this heart in my hand
Still beating for the memory
This utterly insane fallacy
Of life and love and secondhand daydreams
I tried to salvage us with every ounce of myself
I have nothing else to give
To give, forgive, me and my assumptions
I didn't presume to know
A whore dressed in a princess's clothing
Tinted with aspirations to become the
Queen of Spades
Spades, shades, of long lost kingdoms
Precariously perched upon waterfalls
With rainbows criss-crossing
The spires
Invisible in the clouds as was I...
Comments on "The Last Poem I Ever Want to Write About a Girl"
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A former member wrote:
i love the beginin of this so .. sooo fantasy like and the imagery is quite exquisite:)
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On Friday, July 27, 2007, Solace
(1065) wrote:
I came back :) I still love how it works itself up into a rhythm - and i think that the ending ties itself in far more seamlessly now - it truly is a well written piece. Cheers
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A former member wrote:
The words are a maelstrom...thrashing about my head. Sighs, lies, sugared broken heart demise...incredible!
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On Tuesday, June 13, 2006, Drea
(1388) wrote:
Respect. Such images, flow...honest.
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On Monday, June 12, 2006, ZealousValadiction
(42) wrote:
...wow were have I been that I missed this write. I love the imagry in this poem and the mood itself is in my eyes perfect. Great write-Laurie
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On Monday, June 12, 2006, Thorn
(282) wrote:
You craft a beautiful tangle of surreal imagery that hes me captivated... I am amazed.
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A former member wrote:
"It crashed among the vermilion fields/Of unicorn haunts and fairy tale wishes" God, have you portrayed a wonderful thought process here. You left me gasping for more at the end...brilliant! ~*Beth*~
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On Monday, June 12, 2006, Mathesix
(40) wrote:
*Note- The ending has been changed since Sir Solace's comments. Whether they still apply, of course, is to his discretion.
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On Monday, June 12, 2006, Solace
(1065) wrote:
Firstly, this has the beginnings of a good piece of poetry - I like how you have conveyed the unrealistic view - almost satyrically. Secondly, the conclusion was a little cliche, a little trite - forgive the critic for criticism...
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A former member wrote:
I agree with Solace. And btw... mostly whores dress even better than princesses, maybe cause they are more aeware of reality.
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On Monday, June 12, 2006, dp_whipping_girl
(234) wrote:
clearly you have never seen East Colfax in Denver, Colorado on a Friday night; theres no way those women dress better than the former Japanese princess did before she gave up her royalty for marriage. ~pf
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On Monday, June 12, 2006, Solace
(1065) wrote:
There is some truly great metaphor and scenery within this "created cremated heart in my hand" alliteration painted with perfect meaning and the rythm was divine