Dying in darkness

At times I feel as if I've lost my way
I really don't know what to say
In, a way, I'm not sure how to feel
Except when I get the urge to kill

There is at least one person in my life
Who has more than once stopped the blade of my knife
She is here beside me on this day
But my pain will not go away

If I were to really try,
If I were to really die
Who would miss me?
My friends, my family? Would they cry?

Please Amanda, Do me a favor.
Do not cry.
As I spin the barrel
And say goodbye.