Confused

And once again I don't want to write,
But the anger, the depression keeps holding me down tonite,
These feelings keep going out of balence,
I don't know what to do or whats going to happen.

My willpower it grows strong, but then old,
Why can't I have one feeling for one day straight that just keeps me cold?
One minute I'm happy,
Another I'm sad,
One minute suicidal,
Another I'm mad,
One time I feel power,
Another time I just can't begin,
Wallowing in self-pity,
Taking time on revenge,
Cutting the most hollow,
Bleeding so much - its so thick,
Slicing out my memories,
I'm boxing them in,
Never take time to answer,
When shall it end?
Staring in the darkness,
Staying so focused,
Loving it so much,
Feeling so horrible with the lonliness,
Hating God every minute,
What else did I pray for?
Why am I the way I am?
Is it being broken?
Or just lost without a cause?
I'm just a puppet with all strings attached playing Death's victim and
So Lost