Wings Of The Lucian Dragon

Walking Face Down,
Eyes Staring, Penetrating The Ground,
My Tears Add To The Falling Rain,
I Watch The Droplets As They Fall,
Maybe It Isn't Even Raining At All...

I Can't Believe It's You,
You're Not The Person I'm Used To...
The Person I Knew Was Young, Innocent, Blissful,
The Person I See Today Is...

/ How Do I Word This Without Hurting Feelings?
I Guess There's No Real Way,
But I Shouldn't Be Afraid To Say What I Want To Say,
You Won't Stay Together With Me Anyway... /

I See A Slut, A Whore, Almost Nothing More,
Except Maybe A Becoming Druggie, With A Swiss Cheese Core...

Don't Get Me Wrong, I Preach The Wrongness Of My Own Wrongs,
But I Changed, For You! For My World, That You Were To Be A Part Of!
Don't Mistake Me, I Love You More Than Life Itself,
Proof Positive It's True, Although You Don't Know It Like I Do...

I Can't Take It To See You Like This,
Although I Knew The Day Would Come,
If You Had Asked Me On Our First Day Together,
What Would Happen With Us,
I Would Have Nailed It Down,
It Was So Predictable To Me...

But I Scream Inside As I Wither And Cry,
My Only Question Is Why?!?!
Why Hurt Yourself So? Why Not Let Destructive Habits Go!?
Instead All You Do Is Make Mental Excuses And Keep Going,
Never Changing, But Never Really Knowing...

I've Tried For So Long, To Show You The Error Of That Way,
I Remember Walking Down That Road, One Long Ago Day,
I Want To Take You Off That Path, To Soar With You In The Sky,
But All You Ever Seem To Want To Do Is Eat, Sleep, Fuck, Argue, Cry...

So I Shouldn't Be Saying Some Of This,
But Maybe I'm Mildly Pissed?
There Are So Many Things That Should Have Been Done,
That I Won't Do Because You Don't Want Me To,
But It's So Hard, Seeing You Doing The Things You Do...

I Don't Know How I've Put Up With It...
The Lying, The Cheating, The Drugs, The Utter Stupidity!
I Guess I Could Blame It On Immaturity,
But, That Might Be Unfair, Seeing As How You Might Be More Mature Than Me...

There Are So Many Songs, I Want To Sing You, That Apply To How I Feel,
But You Never Really Listened To Me, You Were Just A Hollow Ear,
What I Said Would Echo In And Back Out Of There, You Really Never Cared.

Even Now, You Lie And Say You Don't Know.
It's Just An Excuse! If I Had To Say Why,
I Think You Might Be Afraid To Let Your True Emotions Show,
Because Every Time They Do You Get Hurt...

Thought You Liked The Pain, Thought You Loved It When It Stung!?
Says The Girl Who Loves Chaos, And Endures The Worst Of All Things...
But For What And For Why? What Has It Ever Done Except Make You Cry?

I Never Wanted Anyone Before You,
And Now That I'm Losing You, I Can Tell You Honestly,
That I Doubt Seriously I'll Want Anyone After You...

"Don't It Always Seem To Go
That You Don't Know What You Got Till It's Gone?
(They Paved Paradise And Put Up A Parking Lot)"... [ Paved Paradise - Counting Crows]

Sigh... I Know I'm Not Perfect, Far From It,
But The Difference Is I'm Learning,
I'm Getting Closer To It...

And It Seems That The Closer I Get,
The Farther You Drift From Me,
Your Retrogressing... Can't You See!??!

I'm Already Setting Up My Future,
I Know How Much Money I'll Be Earning When I'm 25...
You Don't Know What You're Doing In 2 Hours,
Or Even What You Did 2 Hours Ago!

I'm Sorry I'm Ranting,
I'm Not Mistaking For Complaining...
After All, I Did Just Stay Up All Fucking Night,
Only To Roll Over And Realize,
How Much I'm Going To Miss Those Gorgeous Brown Eyes...

You Want To Know Who Told Me?
You Did, My Sweet, When You Kiss Me Like I'm Just Another Piece Of Meat...

I'm Know I'm Going To Lose You,
No Doubt In My Mind.
You Call It Pessimism,
I Call It The Feeling I Long Find,
On The Recieving End Of Our Relationship...
At Least From My Point Of View,
It Seems Like There's Less And Less You Want To Do,
Last Night I Felt Like You Were Disgusted To Even Touch Me Anymore...

Tell Me Not To Play The Games,
I Should Have Ripped You Throat Right Out Of Your Neck,
Talk About Hippocrisy, How More Hippocritical Can You Get!?

You've Changed So Much, But Then Again So Little...
Your Sexuality Keeps Getting Worse,
But The Things That Matter Have Never Left...
You've Always Lied, Always Been Untrustworthy,
I'm Starting To Believe You When You Say I Don't Deserve You,
Maybe I Do Deserve Better?

But I Don't Want It,
I Know I Never Did,
I Wanted You Because I Loved You As Soon As I Saw You,
And If You Don't Know What Love Is Anymore,
Come Over Here And Let Me Explain It To You.

Heh, You'd Never Do That Anymore...
Never Want To See Me Again, Do You?
You Just Want To Get On With Your Life,
And Bury Your Little Secret Under The Skeletons,
In The Closet You Carry With You.

All I Ever Wanted Was A White Sheet,
Up Which To Paint My Masterpiece,
To Unload Whatever Emotion I Had Upon,
But You Have Long Since Turned Black,
My Emotions Are Dull On You, The Colors Right Off Onto The Ground,
But You Started Off Whiter Than Anyone I Ever Knew.

I Could Put On Your Feet, You Know I Could,
But You Don't Want Me To, Cause You're Having "Fun"...
And As Well You Should,
Who Am I To Tell You What To Do,
I Mean, Especially Since All The Shit It Seems Like We Haven't Been Through...

I Had Such Plans,
Plans I Made For Two...
I Had To Call And Change Them,
Because I Know That Although I Still Love You,
There's No Way You Can Still Love Me Too,
Now That There Are So Many Other Men,
That Want You To Give Your Love To You Too...

Now We're Mixing Definitions...
My Love Is Emotional, Spiritual, Wonderful, But Percieved...
Your Love Is Physical, Lustful, Carnal, But Truly Empty...

This Goes Back To The Age Old Battle,
Of Instant Gratification Vs. Long Term Results...
Get It Hot Now, Or Get It Boiling Later,
I Know What I'd Choose, But You Only Do What's Easier,
Oh Babe, If Only You Could See,
How Stupid That Seems To Me...

I Know I'm Almost Never Going To See You Anymore,
Not Because I Can't, But Because It's Not Worth The Trouble,
For Me To Come And Get Hurt By You, Whether Or Not You Want Me Too...

You Tore My Wings, The Muscle Is Spongy With Blood,
I Might Never Fly Again, Although I Don't Want To,
If I'm Not In Our Heaven, Soaring With You,
It Would Feel Wrong To Bring Another There,
And Not Be Reminded Of My True Emotions, For You.

I'm Sitting Here In My Room,
Knife In Hand, Wondering How Much More Damage Should Be Done...
It's Okay, I Can Say That Again Now,
"In 5 Minutes You Won't Remember It"... Do You Even Remember Me Saying That?!

Enough Of This Writing,
I Just Had To Do It To Clue You In,
What Kind Of Mood I'm Truly In,
You'll Notice I'm Complaining Now, Instead Of Complying,
It's Because You've Changed, And The Former Is More Prominent Now...

It's Okay, I'll Never Stop Loving You,
I Can Say That, And I Know It's True,
My Word Is My Bond, Although I Know It Doesn't Mean Much To You...

If You Still Loved Me,
You'd Know What To Do,
But Just In Case You Don't, I'll Clue You In Some More...

You'd Get In Touch With Me First,
You'd Do It By Computer, But Phone Is Much Better,
We'd Find A Place To Meet,
I'd Tell You That It's All Okay,
Heh, You'd Still Dump Me Anyways...
But's That's Alright, As Long As I Get To See You One Final Time,
And Recieve The Final Shred To My Wings, You Owe It To Me...

Better Hurry Though, This Knife Is Flirting With My Throat,
If It Had My Personality, It Would Stay Loyal To My Thighs And Wrists,
But I Named If After You For A Reason, It Loves To Find New Things To Kiss...
Better Hurry, Before My Anti-Depressant Finds Me Ultimate Bliss,
And The Last Thing You'll Hear From My Dry, Cracked Lips,
Is How Much I Loved You, And How Wonderful Being Away You Poisionous Touch Is...

Better Hurry, Before I Stain My Carpet,
Better Hurry, Before I Leave For School,
Better Hurry Babe...

If You Still Love Me, That's All I've Got To Say,
You Might Just Have To Save Me One More Time,
Change The Outcome Of One More Day,
I Can Feel The Cloud Gathering To Weep For Me,
This'll Be The One Time I'm Not Telling Them Where To Be...

You'd Better Hurry.

/ Lucia /