when i dreamed of us
i saw many more kisses
before going to sleep
& a lot more waking up
in the middle of the night,
making love,
without saying a word

when i dreamed of us
i saw your starry eyes
filled with tears,
as i was down on bended knee
with a ring held out before you
(not that it was ever planned, but i knew how
i was going to propose & it would’ve
been incredible)

when i dreamed of us i saw a lifetime
of “i love you” & “i love you, too”
a lifetime of me saying “you’re beautful”
& you telling me to “shut up”

when i dreamed of us i imagined
coming home from work
to find a blanket laid on the living room floor,
music playing, a glowing fire,
& your naked body,
waiting for me

when i dreamed of us i saw
our small wedding,
with our drunk friends yelling,
& our moms crying
& i saw our honeymoon with
three nights of hot sex
under a cool moonlit sky

when i dreamed of us i saw
a thousand nights of you & i
lying in bed watching old tv shows
on dvd, friends, the west wing,
& family guy,
me liking them
& you telling me i’m stupid

when i dreamed of us i saw you
saying over & over that we were never gonna
have any kids,
but you’d give in
& when you held the first one
in your arms
& looked at me
i’d be seeing you at the happiest
point in your life,
i’d see my child’s new mother
(you’d make a terrific one)

when i dreamed of us i saw
a garage with my
little economy car to get me to work,
your SUV for taking the kids
to piano and baseball,
& your hot little sports car,
i’d hear you saying over & over
how they’re yours
& i can’t touch them
& how sexy i would find you
& your hard-headedness

when i dreamed of us i saw you & me
building our children’s beds
& book shelves,
you holding our baby
as i read to him/her
& our other children,
the animal mobile spinning
& casting shadows on the walls,
walls painted like the sky & clouds
(which you chose)

when i dreamed of us i saw images
of long talks in bed,
after tucking the kids in, followed
by an hour of me
watching you as you sleep,
facing each other, me inhaling
the breath your exhale,
and not wanting it any other way

when i dreamed of us i saw myself
walking into our bedroom
on a day you stayed home sick from work
(knowing you though, this would be rare)
i’d see the blanket
draped over the window,
the room filled with a blue hue,
i’d see you there & flashback
to the day i visited you
after the car wreck,
i’d think about how far we’ve come
& how we did this
together
i’d watch you sleeping, your hair not washed,
your nose red from the rough tissues
(which you bought even though
i wanted to splurge and get
the softer ones)
you’d sneeze & cough up phlegm
& i’d still see
my beautiful wife

when i dreamed of us i saw you
caring for our kids,
skinned knees & broken hearts,
we’d watch them fall
& get back up again,
there’d be recitals, concerts
& tournaments,
yelling, screaming,
& telling us they hate us,
fender benders, broken windows,
& an arrest or two,
but we’d raise them right
& they be okay and go on
to do such amazing things
because you’re amazing,
and maybe i’ll be too

when i dreamed of us i saw a house
outside the city,
where i could write,
& you could have a horse
we’d become too old for most things
& the kids will come by
& do yardwork for us
& we’d fix them lemonade,
then spoil their kids

when i dreamed of us i saw us old
but happy, always talking about what
we did together,
back in the days of our youth,
getting caught in that skatepark
parking lot, making out,
then talking about how much
we have changed
for the better

when i dreamed of us i was so happy

when i dreamed of us it gave me the strength
to face each rainy day
& although we’re not together anymore
and we may never have these things,
& i’ll feel the pain of missing them all,
i still thank you for sharing a part
of your life with me
& giving me something
so powerful
so incredible

something that made me dream