happiness is hopelessness

surrounded by so many snuffed out candle flames
each signifying a purpose robbed of all its aim
I look inside and find so many failures hidden deep
they die in me and form into the secrets that I keep

a window looms in front of me with hellfire down below
outside, the devil's blasphemy makes angels in the snow
I cannot see beyond my regret enough to make things right
I only hope this storm will pass quietly through the night

settled upon a ledge with the streetlights down below
I throw my hopes to the wind with humility in tow
and as they fly back into me and crash down one by one
I turn around just in time to see promise set with the sun

alone and cold I recognize decay of dreams left unfulfilled
through heavy lids and stagnant nights the tears for me are spilled
ambition is now of the past not seen to a deadened eye
apathetic disease spreads through me replacing the need to cry
too scared to try to lift myself out of this pitiful state
knowing happiness will leave me drained and ferment back into hate