The End- really need feedback

By Steven86175

Am I insane

Or can you not see

The stars are spinning

And societies shadow is shape shifting

Everyone's outer crust is crumbling

But I seem to be the one

The one who is seeing

That the world is undone

God is dead and Art is decaying

And morality took a shot gun to the head and no one saw

But its the man who suppose to have started it all

I don't know who you are

But your reading this now

Hear me loud

Hey hey God is dead

All hail Lucifer till the end

We trusted the wrong man

And brought our own shame

Because we weren't perfect and all the same

Fight him forever

hold your ground

Till you take back the world and all the vulnerable souls he's found

Hey hey God is dead

I don't know how to say it

But this is his end

His reign was genocidal

His temper was aflame

Just like where he put those

That he rejected as ashamed

Because they weren't obedient and didn't pray

He didn't like us

So he brought us shame

Bring up our God

The true and rightful

He'll take care of us and give back our people

He gave us knowledge in the beginning

Brought us out of domestication

And will help set us free.

When they said

God loves you

All along

God despised you.

Thank god

That God is dead.

Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited. Ask the author first.

Published on Monday, September 14, 2015. Filed under: "Depressed" and "Poetry"

Comments on "The End- really need feedback"

On Tuesday, September 15, 2015, Nimue44 (289) wrote:

I guess a lot of people would be shocked from reading this- but for atheists is not as shocking. I can suppose. It has a desperate, frantic, almost revengeful tone. Truth cannot be denied, and emotion reigns when you shout it, but it does not have a crystal clear line of thought of why do you believe that. I don't know if you intended to explain yourself, but I think I got the message.
A former member wrote: I enjoyed the poem;, was confused at one part but figured it out, is a good poem and enjoyed it, thankyou
On Monday, September 14, 2015, TropicalSnowstorm (1580) wrote:

personally, you lost me at "all hail lucifer". :) it is a shock piece, so i guess it is effective for that purpose. what specifically did u want feedback on?
On Monday, September 14, 2015, Steven86175 (16) wrote:

Well I'm an atheist and am against the violent religious but I just wanted there to be flow, to put out the emotion and heart. Did you read all of it or stop there.
On Monday, September 14, 2015, TropicalSnowstorm (1580) wrote:

no, i read it all. honestly, i think it was pretty solid in flow right through the lines "And morality took a shot gun to the head and no one saw", right after that it devolved into kind of a rant that seemed more focused on shock value. i think if u ended with that first part it would be cooler, or at least kept it a little more subtle. if u r an atheist, why align yourself with the devil? to me, it seems like shock value. anyway, just my thoughts.
On Monday, September 14, 2015, Steven86175 (16) wrote:

Well thank you haha.