Log In
The End- really need feedback
By Steven86175
Am I insane
Or can you not see
The stars are spinning
And societies shadow is shape shifting
Everyone's outer crust is crumbling
But I seem to be the one
The one who is seeing
That the world is undone
God is dead and Art is decaying
And morality took a shot gun to the head and no one saw
But its the man who suppose to have started it all
I don't know who you are
But your reading this now
Hear me loud
Hey hey God is dead
All hail Lucifer till the end
We trusted the wrong man
And brought our own shame
Because we weren't perfect and all the same
Fight him forever
hold your ground
Till you take back the world and all the vulnerable souls he's found
Hey hey God is dead
I don't know how to say it
But this is his end
His reign was genocidal
His temper was aflame
Just like where he put those
That he rejected as ashamed
Because they weren't obedient and didn't pray
He didn't like us
So he brought us shame
Bring up our God
The true and rightful
He'll take care of us and give back our people
He gave us knowledge in the beginning
Brought us out of domestication
And will help set us free.
When they said
God loves you
All along
God despised you.
Thank god
That God is dead.
Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited.
Ask the author first.
Copyright 2015 Steven86175
Comments on "The End- really need feedback"
Log in to post comments.
-
On Tuesday, September 15, 2015, Nimue44
(296)
wrote:
I guess a lot of people would be shocked from reading this- but for atheists is not as shocking. I can suppose. It has a desperate, frantic, almost revengeful tone. Truth cannot be denied, and emotion reigns when you shout it, but it does not have a crystal clear line of thought of why do you believe that. I don't know if you intended to explain yourself, but I think I got the message.
-
A former member wrote:
I enjoyed the poem;, was confused at one part but figured it out, is a good poem and enjoyed it, thankyou
-
On Monday, September 14, 2015, TropicalSnowstorm
(1703) wrote:
personally, you lost me at "all hail lucifer". :) it is a shock piece, so i guess it is effective for that purpose. what specifically did u want feedback on?
-
On Monday, September 14, 2015, Steven86175
(16) wrote:
Well I'm an atheist and am against the violent religious but I just wanted there to be flow, to put out the emotion and heart. Did you read all of it or stop there.
-
On Monday, September 14, 2015, TropicalSnowstorm
(1703) wrote:
no, i read it all. honestly, i think it was pretty solid in flow right through the lines "And morality took a shot gun to the head and no one saw", right after that it devolved into kind of a rant that seemed more focused on shock value. i think if u ended with that first part it would be cooler, or at least kept it a little more subtle. if u r an atheist, why align yourself with the devil? to me, it seems like shock value. anyway, just my thoughts.
-
On Monday, September 14, 2015, Steven86175
(16) wrote:
Well thank you haha.
Steven86175's Latest Works Feed
Join