Watching you Leave

Standing beneath the vast, endless universe,
I made the mistake of letting you see my naked soul.
I had my heart locked tightly away in an effort to keep pain out,
and I’ll never forgive you for finding the key and daring to use it.
I couldn’t run – there wasn’t time,
I didn’t hide because I never saw the key in your hand.
I hate myself for thinking we could just be friends,
And I hate myself more for believing our friendship could be something greater.
 
Your whispered words still sing softly in my ears…
I can feel your arms drawing me ever closer,
and your heart beating in your chest as I rest my head and fall asleep,
the smell of your skin faint and lingering…
How could I forget that night?
We were so close, and how quickly we have become so distant.
How swiftly things fade and change…
melting into a mere memory…
 
I’ll try to forget, but I can’t.
I’ll try to move on, but I’ll never completely be able to.
How different things might’ve been,
had I done things right and told you sooner how I felt.
But I’ve lost now, and you will soon be gone.
Quietly, I let the tears flow as I try to fall asleep,
not knowing if what we said meant good-bye,
or see you later.
 
I didn’t expect it to hurt so bad,
It shouldn’t, I’m use to this kind of thing happening…
why do you think my heart was locked behind steel bars?
A prisoner to my own mind…
 
To hell with this all, this time the key won’t fall into anyone’s hands,
leave me now, and don’t look back.
I will remember the good times and forget the bad,
pretend you are dead because that hurts less.
Praying I’ll make it through this darkness that you chased away,
only to have it return when you turned around.
 
I can’t breathe,
the air just isn’t as sweet as it used to be.
I don’t want to eat,
Food just doesn’t taste good anymore, and anyway, it makes me sick.
I feel so stupid for letting you in,
knowing how it would probably end up,
and then sitting here with nothing to do other than write sappy poems about how I miss you.
 
I hope you find joy in the new life you are starting,
I want nothing for you but happiness – a happiness I never knew.
And I hate you, you know…
But it’s the kind of hate that is spawned off of caring too much.
I can’t help but wonder,
have I even crossed your mind at all since that night?
Did you mean what you said,
or was my heart just a funny little game to you?
Maybe I don’t really want to know…
 
Well, I don’t imagine I will be seeing you again,
I’ve always despised good-byes anyway so it’s for the best.
Have a safe journey,
don’t return to me.
I’ve decided you are dead,
and if you return,
that would be as scary as hell.
 
So take your leave from my corner of the stage,
and don’t look back.
I won’t be here if you return anyway,
I have a journey of my own to take.
 
I’ve found a nice, green grassy spot under a tall and beautiful weeping willow.
The sun isn’t too harsh, and I know I could help the grass grow only greener.
It’s a quiet spot,
secluded….
I’d be safe there, from the world and it’s ugly pains.
 
I’ll watch you drive away,
maybe wave as you go.
Then I’ll return to my own place,
pack up a few things,
and move into my new place.
And in case you do return,
I’ll leave a note waiting…
It will simply say this –
“I love you, good-bye”.
 
And so it is,
something that started out so beautiful,
has faded into a painful memory and a story Shakespeare might be proud of.
Well, my words are pretty much dried up now,
not that it matters because you’ll never read this anyway.
I’ll never forgive you,
I’ll never forget.
Good-bye my “could’ve been”,
it’s time for you to go,
and it’s time for me to sleep.
May God watch over you,
and never let your heart break like he let mine.
Good-bye.