Bless to a love that once used to be...

Bless to a love that is still desired, one that has taught mi so much about myself when I did not want to hear it. I have made myself into a better person over the years however it has come with a lot of sacrifices, changes to myself, and leaving a lot of friends behind. Although I grew up leaving and abandoning people throughout mi life…the action never gets easier and always leads to saddened emotions. She did nothing but love mi over and over throughout the years, however I bitched out and ran from everything because I let my career, people, family, and everything else mashup mii head!

A love that was once desired, leaps off of a cliff thinking it would land into a sea of water. Free falling rapidly towards the bottomless ocean, memories zoom past like stray bullets in a firefight, so fast that you do not fully grasp the picture, sounds, or even a glimpse of the motion picture movie. Falling for what seems like an eternity, everything seems to fade around you…and vividly starts to morph. Falling faster, and faster, and faster into oblivion, darkness consumes your body like a swarm of bees, covers you from head to toes. Than rips you apart millimeter by millimeter, seeming to slow the process down of tearing at your skin with every scream just to show you what is in control.

A love should not feel like that…EVER!! It should be sweet, loyal, kind, and bright. The darkest color that will be seen is “pink” for the blood that is being shed to keep things feeling magical and the tears of joy that both partners share from wonderful experiences. A phrase that I love to say over in my mind: Do it if the gain will outweigh the loss.

 Shedding tears from a heart that is in love with you, who you feel used to be you, but you cannot bring yourself to admit that you are still the same and that she loves you for who you are not what you can do. No evil sides anymore that whisper in your head thoughts of death to those around you and causing you to lash out for help but then getting shutdown for being weird so much that you try to hide everything inside, black thoughts engulf the cerebrum. Twisting thoughts into nightmares and daydreams into murder scenes, bloodshed splashing onto walls men in strange cloaks walking my mind like a marathon for aids, hundreds and thousands of them just encrypting my good memories and building negative ones inside my storing unit. Slashing away repeatedly at everything that was good in my life. Making mi reconsider a love that was written in the bible, an love that was foretold by the elders in ancient times, a love that was to last forever.

However when things go wrong you have to learn to build and grow from those past experiences, standup and say “yes I can” in your bob the builder voice! Regain a conscious mind and allow yourself to see past the negative that had bestowed in your life, the demons that built a nest in your heart and spread like a wildfire throughout your body. To take control of your body once more and shine light into your heart and blind the wicked out, cleanse your system completely but keep remembrance of the trials, tribulations, and the memory of your bitchness! To never run from something again and not to act like everything is ok. It will just eat at you for a lifetime when you lose something that is precious to you and now is so distant from you. A thousand years of meditation could not heal a guilty mind and an eternity of crying would not be enough to replace the tears you shed for mi. BLESS!!