without a title

to me it's nothing more
than burnt filters
of cigarettes
in coffee mugs

to me it's just
time-filler
between conversations
lacking epiphanies

to me it's the smell
of match-heads
after they have
been struck
used & blown

to me it's stretching out the hand
after an intense two pages

to me it's a pop
of all your knuckles
& a twist
of the neck

to me it's that feeling
of covering & killing
an entire
blank page

to me it's taking
a small thought of nothingness
& having it last
longer than i will

to me it's post-coital pleasure
that leads to more coitus

to me it's a conversation starter
& the catalyst for
the intrigue of me

to me it's the feel of a fist
to my face
while laughing
or a fist to theirs
while crying

to me it's an orgasm
with an even larger
mess left behind

to me it's waking
groggy & pissed off
& losing your place
in a dream of carnality

to me it's a dance
in the rain
with boyhood friends
with no prurient thoughts of girls

to me it's the thrill
of running a red light
at 3 a.m.
& wishing to do
the same during rush hour

to me it's carving your name
in the dinner table
of complete existence

to me it's a hot bath
that makes you
sweat out all impurities

to me it's a scolding
from a grade school teacher
one you see twenty years later
& can't help
but find it funny

to me it's a concert
in a pitch-black venue
that chains everyone in place
& doesn't let you move
'til the last song is played

to me it's a garden
cared for
& cultivated for years
& then torn up
& trampled
in five minutes

to me it's your first kill
shooting the quail
& knocking it
from the air
eating it
& gaining just enough energy
to do it again tomorrow

to me it's the cutting of
a deer's throat
to ease its suffering
& wiping tears
from your own eye

to me it's receiving
your dream girl's number
& not having a fucking pen

to me it's a bike ride
through puddles
& muddy paths
that will spray mud up from the tire
& all over
the back of your shirt

to me it's falling in love
with a novel at twenty-one
& laughing at its immaturity
& lack of substance
at twenty-five

to me it's growing up
& finally seeing
your parents' failures
& vulnerability

to me it's a drunken kiss
that you don't want
from someone
that you do

to me it's a two a.m. phone call
informing you
of a car wreck
involving close friends

to me it's wanting to know
someone all your life
& then not knowing
or caring
about their death

to me it's only act two
in a five-act
calamity-of-a-play
& you don't
know it yet

to me it's a butterfly kiss
on a bruised cheek

to me it's putting a gun in your mouth
pulling the trigger
& blowing your brains out
in the form
of a unicorn

to me it's the smell of a woman
in your nose
& the taste of blood
in your mouth

to me it's sand between your toes
& rocks digging into your heel

to me it's a cigar
in my mouth
held by a hand
with busted knuckles

to me it's a shotgun blast
to my left ear
on a late
tuesday night

to me it's everything
comprised
of scraps
of nothingness

to me it's losing all
& gaining more

to me it's tossing it all
into the air
letting it fall
where it may
& then kicking
it into the river

to me it's wishing you could
have your virginity back
just to give it up
to no one special
all over again

to me it's a car wreck at five a.m.
with no fatalities
just scars
that won't ever go away

to me it's a plane crash
caught on video
& broadcast
during dinner

to me it's spinning in circles
& trying to walk
in a straight line

to me it's a requiem
for all of the lives
i could have lived
if i were stronger

to me it's hitting rock bottom
& taking no one
with you

to me it's a splinter stuck
in a hangnail
on a finger sporting
an infected paper cut

to me it's a lick of my lips
from someone else's tongue

to me it's fingernails
scraping down my side
as the person
nibbles on my neck

to me it's unloading inside

to me it's letting the carbonation
run from the drink
& allowing it to sit
long enough to ferment

to me it's a cold shower
in january
fully clothed
& music blaring

to me it's downcast eyes
& non-hid smiles
on the faces of those
who thought you would fail

to me it's a text message
that tells you
your first attempt at a child
is gone

to me it's all & all
more & more
of the
less & less

to me it's a marathon
that never ends
& you are only
racing yourself

to me it's walking along a line
that encircles the earth
as a grander achievement
than crossing over it

to me it's a glimpse
from a familiar face

to me it's barbed wire
wrapped tight around my tongue
& rose petals
between my toes

to me it's a noose
made of silk

to me it's telling one secret
to hear two in return

to me it's everything & nothing
& simply quite something

to me it's a back pat
on a stab-wound scar
from a hand
that stuck it in

to me it's dreaming of fall
in fall
& appreciating
your dream come true

to me it's getting drunk
for no other reason
than to
escape your head

to me it's unknown hands
running all over my wet body
trying desperately to feel
as if they were hers

to me it's using truth & humility
to cover up
for not
being beautiful

to me it's a way to get people
interested in me
& help keep those who aren't
more than an arm's length away

to me it's turning pain into hate
& focusing it
on someone else

to me it's a poignant tale
without any heroics

to me it's asking:
?after all of this
what is it to you??