Stuck

the sun just barely shining through the clouds
the light fuzzy through the dusty dormer
awaiting for my awakening
a strange feeling indescribable
the sensation a heavy burden upon me
unwilling to rise
every soft sound heard
a gunshot wound in my bleeding ears
the sweet perfume noxious and intoxicating
left cold numb and unfeeling
no space for one to breathe
every turn lead towards another
guiding me into one more dead end
the more you hate the more you become
the annoyance blamed on the one being annoyed
casket filled to the brim with my contradictions
leaving me hanging by a noose
tied to your raging tree
his heart stopping gaze full of anguish
leaving me psychotic
the thoughts running through my mind
all claustrophobic skin crawling and itching stinging with irritation
my vocal chords more than gladly torn out
where words were always useless
uncaring blown off by little lies of love
exhausted by the bloodshed and bullshit
your quivering ruminations of such self suicide
killing me ever so slowly
softly
matured before giving a chance to be a child
no blessing but a curse
relatives dependent on my indecisiveness and independence
eyes beyond aged while still too young
while others are blind too see
i burn from the knowledge
caught in a trap
so close but so far away
based on theory and your sacred words
i never rest and never will