Shared Pain

 I don't intend to hurt you
nevertheless when it precedes to this
you're the one that's left bleeding 
as I dwell my life in anguish
I try to stop to gain control
the pen frozen in my hand bound to my palm
no words found to clarify my grief
no way to escape my faith this destiny
to repair all those broken bones is impossible
the barn owl tossed in its cage
the feathers plucked one by one 
before the slaughter
no ludicrous scribbles to rationalize my hurt
nothing left that i can exert to rid of this negative energy
this dreadful aura that haunts me to this day
these perplexities unsolvable 
questions to which have no answer
overwhelmed with hatred piled high
suffocating in this depressing atmosphere
I have fallen to my last tactic
the release has relieved to soon be revealed 
the heat built up inside of me drained out
I close my eyes with regret
wounds will heal but scars will remain
a story of the pastime told by one deep crimson line
my comprehension hauls me back but my heart impulses me forward 
I plummet to the ground in misery 
antagonized I bang my skull against the wall
I throw it all away just to dig it back out later
I reply that this is no addiction 
and certainly not another benediction
if only I could detect the suitable benefaction
I have betrayed my own promise broken
the loyal trust worthy being that was I
feeling all alone surrounded by my pack
an outcast to the society of my home
run by a heartless hypocritical alcoholic sociopath
owning the strength to live on
but too weak to confront the loving enemy face to face
the dreamer awaits for the end to a new beginning
with the growing apathy 
I show sympathy
the empathy
of the agony I wish not to share
But you see the pain I endure
I try to discontinue so you will no longer hurt because of me
I pray for my being for the sake of yours