The Granite Girl
By nur hidayah
you write of robins wrapped
in
his tree trunk neck
warbling pitter patter tunes
of the sleep
talk of Madam Moon.
the only music i hear is in clubs,
throbbing madly as bodies spasm
in all directions like satellites
trying to capture waves of a memory
of the melody god smeared
onto their then holy mouths
when they slipped out bawling
their
spikes of change staking
through several hearts, across time.
you write of dandelions snagged
in the babbling brook
hair of girls
with violent dreams.
the only nature
i see are abhorrent
abomination---pockmarked blocks
puncturing
through grey clay
and an orbit of metal carriages
moaning
drunkenly in between,
carrying souls with battery bars
reduced
to one.
you write of the tips of tongues
touching
crushing sparkle kisses
and tears tearing trails down
frozen
laughing faces and of
blissful contortions of orgasmic
dance.
the only thing i feel was dripping shame
as you dribbled
out of me
your baritone chest heaving
against my beansprout
back.
and this seed growing in me...
i wish i could write her
out
an aeroponic baby
sleeping in your easel elbow
where
she could be lulled to sleep
by your wingbeat heart
away
from me.
but oak man, my love
choked and dying,
i welcome you my love
your bark grinding 'tween these iron thighs
branches crushing these graphite limbs
leaves closing these
traffic eyes
frozen at red
just
switch
the sun on, darling
when you get out of bed.
Comments on "The Granite Girl"
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A former member wrote:
the oak and the rock... what nature does to us, what dazzling imagery, strikingly ironic against the cold granite.... without give " i feel was dripping shame
as you dribbled out of me
your baritone chest heaving
against my beansprout back.
and this seed growing in me..." or perhaps, giving too much? sometimes wood will turn to stone.... like medusa, perhaps..... is there a disagreeable verb there? I feel was....? Just wondering. Love the analogies the interspersed imagery and the conceptual irony.... who bends in the wind here?
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A former member wrote:
such a unique clever and at points witty way of phrasing. you have a seemingly natural way with imagery/metaphor.. lady Nuri..it's a pleasure to read you again :)
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A former member wrote:
a thing of beauty.all the words sublimely put
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A former member wrote:
completely destroying ending..... i marvel at the imagery and the derisive, deciduous tone and life.altering events that built this poetic. so many nearly parable'd strophes.....you have a powerful voice; unique and clearcutting. beauty~
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On Tuesday, August 31, 2010, Ophelia
(221) wrote:
sadly beautiful
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A former member wrote:
What do I even say to this, miss nuri... There are so many clever lines here that I am envious of; that I wish I had written. In particular, "you write of dandelions snagged in the babbling brook hair of girls with violent dreams" I am blown away by your exquisite imageries. The ending is perfect and seemingly clicks into place. You have a lovely soul.