You ask me if I’d missed you . . .
But the answer isn’t easy for me to give;

I didn’t miss the constant appraisals
that spiralled into complete defecation of my character.

Constantly teetering between
Certainty
&
Uncertainty.

Blinded by your darkness.
Freezing in the light of your pain.
Lost in a sea of troubles.
Awakened by a crystal clear awareness.

How could I miss you?
Knowing that it was not me you wanted.
Knowing there would always be some other
boy on your mind.
Knowing that boys name would forever be
encrusted in our relationship.
Knowing that I would never know why you stuck around
. . . and now, why you’ve left.
Knowing all of this I must acknowledge
that I drew pleaser from the pain.

The enjoyment that hurts is forever.
When you were gone it did not subside.

My knowledge ‘ll be the death of me.