A message for you

A message for you:

[I'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears]


I’m so scared. I don’t want you to come back. I’m just staring to get my life back together, and then there’s a threat that you’ll reappear again, and everything crumbles into nothingness. I want to get away.


[and if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave]


Please, spare me. I don’t think I can take it all over again. Leave me alone. I’m happy without you.


[because your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone]


Everywhere I go, it feels like you’re following, watching me. I want to be free, but everything I see reminds me of you. I have nothing left, except a constant reminder of you.


[these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase]


I’ll never forget you, no matter how hard I try. There are some things that stay etched in your memory forever, and this is one of them. You hurt me badly, and even now, two years on, I’m still bleeding.


[when you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
and I held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me]


I thought you were the one who needed someone, and I stood by you, not realising what you were doing to me. You deceived me into thinking I loved you, and you’re still doing that, so when I try to break away, I can’t.


[you used to captivate me
by your resonating light]


You fascinated me, drew me in. I should have realised something was wrong, but I was distracted by you. You knew what you were doing.


[but now I'm bound by the life you left behind]


I have to walk past your house every day and remember what happened in there. Everything reminds me of you, and I can’t escape you.


[your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me]


I can’t forget you. I can’t even sleep without waking up screaming. Your presence taints my dreams, it won’t go away. I’m falling apart, and I have nobody to put me back together.


[these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase]


The blood stains my memories, turning then all bad. It stains my life, and I can’t wash the stains away. I can’t run away, because wherever I turn, there’s more blood, and you’re always around the corner, waiting. Even as the years go by, and I think you must have forgotten me, you’re still waiting.


[when you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
and I held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me]


You told me I was helping you, but you never needed the help. You never really cried, you made it all up, and I was taken in by it. I still find it hard to admit that you’re not the person I thought you were, even though I know deep down the truth. You didn’t need me, you just wanted to use me.


[I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
but though you're still with me
I've been alone all along]


You never loved me, you never cared. I shouldn’t have depended on you like I did. You were my foundations; I built my life around you. Now it’s collapsed, and I can’t rebuild it. You were never there for me, and you’re not here now. You’re gone. I have to face it.


[when you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
and I held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me]


I can’t believe what you’ve done to me. There’s always a memory, pushed to the back of my mind, trying to get out. Sometimes they do, and I remember how I thought you needed me, I thought I was doing something good for once in my miserable life. Now you won’t let me go, you won’t me forget. You’re intent on tormenting me for the rest of my life, and you don’t know, you don’t have a clue how much it hurts. You know what I do to myself; you know how deep the scars go. You know how much of an effort I made just to make myself feel alive. You know it failed. But you’ll never know just how much you hurt me, you’ll never see inside of my head and you’ll never know the insanity that I now call a peaceful resting place. You’ll never realise that you still own me, that you never actually let me go.




*Words in brackets are lyrics to 'My Immortal' by Evanescence*