The Day God Played With His Food

Just like sperm
Even in the beginning
Swimming around in that primordial soup
God looking down

“Hmm... Should I take a sip?”

No, God decides...
Let’s just see what becomes of it
Afterall, the longer you leave food
the more festy and interesting it becomes
And let’s face it, we all know
God’s been known to have some pretty sick tastes!

So God waits
And even to His surprise
Bits of his soup start climbing out
And walking around

“Well I myself will be damned!
Who would’ve thought?
Walking soup!”

God gets excited and watches on...

Soon they begin chasing and fighting each other...

“Well I’ll be damned again!
Who would’ve thought?
Fighting food. This is awesome!”

God gets an idea
He starts looking for angels to place a bet with
But none are interested
They all think He’s lost the plot
All except one – Lucifer!

And lo and behold
The greatest ever pastime is born –
Gambling on stupid creatures doing stupid things!

Angels come and angels go
Trying to motivate God into doing something constructive
But it’s too late...
He’s become the first ever gambling addict!

The two watch on...
Unflinching...
Until He notices something miraculous
Pieces of food have began congregating
Staring up at Him
And even worshipping Him!

This is great! God thought
I can use this to finally fix the Game of Life!
Then I’ll never lose another bet to Lucifer again!

But Lucifer beats Him to it...
Afterall, he knows exactly what God’s like
He pulls one of the creatures aside
Whispers in her ear
And tells her everything about God...
She is shocked!

“Oh my God! What an arrogant, deviant little perve!”

God is furious when he finds out!
He grabs Lucifer and unleashes the full brunt of his wrath!

“How dare you!
You evil, conniving... d-d-Devil you!
I don’t wanna play with you anymore!
Get out of my house!
You’re not my friend anymore!!!”


... And now, the moral of this story?


“NEVER PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD!”