Junk Mail Heart (revised.)

I once wrote I wanted love
Not some school girl romance
I did NOT sign up for this.
Take me off the mailing list and stop it.
I cant take it anymore.

I suppose ive lost it.
Gone off the deep end, once again.
Don’t bother trying to fix it
Whats done is done and we cant go back.

I just wish one day you’ll think of me
Wonder what happened to us
And ask yourself why you were so unwilling.

If someone gives you everything you’re entitled to
Even through the bad, the fights, and the negative
You should see the light through the fog
But I guess im wrong.

Maybe im a different kind of species?
Maybe im the only one who can see the light
At the end of a dark tunnel?

At one time, I would say we were unstoppable.
Again, I was wrong.
Damn, I was wrong a lot.

But as for me right now
Im doing just fine without you here
I may roll over in the night and expect to feel you there
And want to just die knowing you’re not
But im going to be just fine.
Time and lots of drinks later
And ill be dying to move on.

It kills me knowing that im so different then you
Im so damn different that you wont even try
To make us work..to make things work.
So my last expression to you is:
FUCK YOU!

I may love you with every beat of my heart
But I do NOT have to like you.
I might want to make us work out so bad
That I would do ANYTHING
But I don’t have to like myself for it.
We may be friends, the ones that talk all night long
And all day long through text messages
About the most random things ever
But I don’t have to let myself become lower than I already have.

I love you. I really really do.
It kills me in ways you will never understand
But im not going to sit and dwell on the past
When I know in my heart of hearts that its done.
I can sit there and beg on my hands and knees
Until the flesh on my bones rips off
But I still wont be able to convince you of your biggest mistake.

i can dwell in the land of bitter ex girlfriend
not wanting to let you go, dragging my feet
until theres nothing left to drag.
i can beat myself up until i have no more blood
and i have 2 black eyes
but i'd rather not and let you feel the pain
of MY needles inside YOUR skin.
i would rather stab you right in the heart
with the things that are NOT happening
then to let you win by cutting myself off from the world.

lets not be hasty.
lets take our time with this
and fully recover from the words being said
before we move on from this and never look back.



But for now I will stay locked up inside my head
Scratching the walls pleading for a way out of this nightmare
Losing my finger nails inside the metal
Breaking myself until the point where I cannot move anymore
And I’ll be just fine.

I just cant evade this thought in the back of my head
That you're going to throw my heart away again
Like its just a piece of junk mail
But i suppose i will have to just see where this goes
And hope for the best..
Afterall, love is never a walk in the park.