2007-10-10 Aleatha

I don't know what I'm going to do, Aleatha. A wreck like me.
With the moon bouncing on the right brow. Still the wrong brow, though.
What would you do?

Would you sit for hours staring into a piece of night sky, with nothing on your mind and everything in your heart? Would your lips seal itself even as something feverish tries to make its way out of you?
Would you stand, weak as you are, crying your tears back in, feeling swollen like a melon? Hoping the black night would finally clog you up so you could sleep?

What would you do, Aleatha? Bright sunshine like you.
With the stars straining their very constellation trying not to fall for you. Into you. Always so happy.
Tell me your secret, Aleatha.

Tell me how you smile like that. Tell me how to laugh without being afraid your soul would slip out in sound form, vulnerable to the wind and the hooks of wicked men and women. Tell me how to sleep at night without worrying the sun's going to be black tomorrow instead of yellow like honey.
Like urine. Pissing hot on people's heads. Nonchalant and grand.
Tell me how you breathe.
Breathe that music people hum to. Blink that beat people tap to. Be that girl people turn to.

Aleatha, I don't think you understand or want to, for that matter. But that's okay because I still talk to you anyway. See, I'm not like you. I live outside myself so I never care for the consequences of my actions. But I gotta visit sometime right? When I do, they all come tugging at me by the hundreds, Aleatha.
Like they needed me there to fix it all. It hurts a whole damn lot.

I can't fix it all, Aleatha. I'm not like you. The pieces don't even fit anymore. And even if they do fit, there isn't going to be a picture. I'm messed up. Tell me what to do.

I'm all for being independent but at some point in life, a girl's gotta have someone to show her where to go and what to do to get there, right Aleatha? You know what I mean. You got someone who's got your back. When you fall, a hundred hands come stretching up to catch you and another hundred bodies would lie down on the hard ground to cushion you. All because you've been taught how to live and now people want some part of the life you are living.

You see, Aleatha. I'm one of those people. It's just when those people have gotten up and dusted their clothes off, I lie there wondering why I live this parasitic life living off someone else. What happened to my dreams, Aleatha? They were all mine to achieve but I locked them up and lost both the chest and the key.

So tell me. Sweet sweet sad Aleatha.
What do I gotta do to fix all of this? It's just... I worry about the day the moon would push my pupils right to my middle where it all hurts and I get to really see what a mess I've made and then the moon? Yeah, she would decide to make my skull her home so I would have to float above all of you, all swollen and ugly, marred with craters and glowing and white and so big and so fucking lonely.

Aleatha?