Distant Letter to Someone Who Cares

Lost in time, away from happenings
been too busy for the sake of everything.
Feels like a game someone's playing...
like they're trying to get the best score
so they keep at it never letting up.

I get this headache sometimes that never seems to go away.
Like someone is driving a nail into my head
with the hammer constantly wacking away.
The pain's a bit annoying, but I welcome it.
It keeps me focused, instead of wondering on subjects.

All these times when I thought I couldn't feel anything
I thought there would be no point to my existence.
I thought without feeling, I would be empty and hollow.
I thought wrong. I still feel.

The emotions stare me in the face when I look in the mirror.
The emotions are constantly with me as my mood changes.

Originally I didn't want to feel,
I wanted the emotions of love and hate to fade away.
I didn't want the thoughts of hatred contridictions to blind me.
I didn't want to be lead by false love of another,
I just didn't want to fall from what I feel,
because of the way it made me feel.

But now I want to feel.
It lets me know I'm alive.
I know I haven't found love yet
but I'll look until I die.
I'll look for the moments that capture my breathe.
So I can find happiness.

I know I'll find hatred too along the way.
I know without hate, you can't find love.
I won't run away from it anymore, I promise.
I'll face my fear and I'll continue to move forward.

I won't change myself, however, for others.
I'm not plastic and I pride myself on that.
I may be sarcastic but I don't care.

I am me and nothing can change that.

Though I do warn you:
don't take me for face value,
because I'll make you wish otherwise.