My Thoughts and Feelings

By MsBeHavinGal

I have been seeing a man now for a few months, he calls himself my boyfriend and tries too act like one. Last Saturday we made plans for me to go see him after the Football game was over so when it was done, I called, NO ANSWER. I have been calling just about every day and still NO answer from him.

I done something rather stupid as well, I drove by his house last night and caught his friend leaving, he was at the door, so I had a chance to glimpse inside and there he was sitting on his couch in front of his computer. I didn't stop because the vehicle I was driving wasn't my own and I had to get it back to the person I borrowed it from.

How can someone just stop all communications with another person without at least saying something too them?? I felt I have done nothing wrong, in fact I have been very open with him. He knows that my soon to be ex-husband uped and left me a year and four months ago ... vanished into the night, and what he has done made me feel the exact same way I felt when I realized I was dumped.

They say that opposites attract and he is my total opposite. He has broken down some walls that I felt were unbreakable. A little too kinky for my likings, but I am drawn too him.

I feel lost, abandoned, and heart broken ... something that I vowed I would try not too feel again once my marriage went down the drain.

How can someone intenionally hurt others?

Does he feel hurt? The way I feel hurt?

Does he feel the pain? The way I feel pain?

Did he even really have any feelings for me? The way I had feelings for him?

Do I really want to know why this has happened? Or should I lick my wounds and go about life, like he was never apart of it?

So many questions running through my head, so much heartache I feel once again.
I just want the pain and heartache to go away, but I feel like I can't let him go. Am I a fool for falling in Love with someone who apparently didn't have the same feelings for me ... GOD, I feel so used now like I was nothing but a sex toy to him.

What am I to do??? What am I to do???

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© 2006 MsBeHavinGal
Published on Friday, December 22, 2006.     Filed under: "Depressed" and "Journal"
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Comments on "My Thoughts and Feelings"

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  • Aunty Depressant On Saturday, December 23, 2006, Aunty Depressant (423)By person wrote:

    Love your name;) I am recently divorced myself...don't know if you have children or not. They come first to me. Period. I've heard too many women lose too much to men.

  • MsBeHavinGal On Sunday, December 24, 2006, MsBeHavinGal (4)By person wrote:

    Thank You. I do, I have 2 children and a grandson. They are my everything, my life, my breath, my world.

  • Aunty Depressant On Saturday, December 23, 2006, Aunty Depressant (423)By person wrote:

    Keep you and take care of you. Its ok to want sex...its ok to want love..they don't always go together. Either he isn't getting your messages, is needing space,uncertain where to go next, is unavailable...

  • MsBeHavinGal On Sunday, December 24, 2006, MsBeHavinGal (4)By person wrote:

    I try, to take care of myself but all I feel now is a broken heart. Just wish he could of told me something instead of leaving me hanging.

  • Aunty Depressant On Saturday, December 23, 2006, Aunty Depressant (423)By person wrote:

    or you are only wanted at his convenience...or possibly addicted to computer?...or combo of above. Hope you enjoyed yourself too! I'd like to see you put your feelings to verse and see what happens!

  • MsBeHavinGal On Monday, December 25, 2006, MsBeHavinGal (4)By person wrote:

    I did enjoy our time together, until he stopped communications. Thank You for your comments ... I'll give it a shot.

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