Sometimes I feel so damaged after all these years

Long pull on a short rope

If its death I chouse this is the one, I have held the gun, and I was not afraid.

But the rope/cord/line scares me every time.

I had a dream of my past that woke me just now, and all was reversed.

In the dream she died last not first, and I cried with great ease..

Sometimes I act so normal, yet I feel so damaged.