I look outside my window, and my heart cries. The world that surrounds me isn't filled with beauty anymore. So much has changed. Tall buildings now loom where fields once stretched endlessly, blotting from view the sky's horizon. I think it's been too many years since I've been able to see the sun rise or set.
And there are lights, so many lights. Street lights, traffic lights, signs that light, stores with lights, all joining together in a pinkish glow that blocks the velvet darkness of the night. I think it's been too many years since I've been able to see the stars blinking brightly against a blackened night sky.
And there is the noise. Cars whiz by, and trucks, motors straining, horns blaring, tires squealing, radios blasting. I would rather hear the crickets chirruping, the locusts humming, even the silent rustling of leaves.
"Give me back my world!" is the cry from within my heart. Unwept tears quench the angry fire that has burned its way into my soul, as the rain that is falling from the sky now quenches the earth. It only penetrates the surface.
Perhaps I had fallen asleep.
It seems later, much later. The sky has changed; it's brighter now. The rain has almost stopped falling. The little girl in me sulks, wishing for a rainbow. I probably wouldn't be able to see one anyway, I muse, even if there was one to be seen.
A voice rises from nowhere, soft as a thought, yet commanding, filling my head, tugging at my heart. “Follow your heart. Look for your rainbow. There you will find your dreams. Look for the rainbow…. Look for the rainbow….” The voice subsides, and the echo fades. The silence of my room is broken only by lingering droplets tapping on the windowsill outside. I want to find a rainbow. Or rather, I must. My heart burns with anticipation, my cheeks burn with embarrassment. It’s childish, I reprimand. Who cares about rainbows anyway? They’re kid’s stuff.
By now, I’ve put on my shoes, and stand clutching my jacket. Foolish, I remind myself, to which my heart answers with a pang of disappointment. So I drop my foolish standards of adulthood and slip into my jacket with a softened smile. Besides, it’s been an awfully long time since I’ve seen a rainbow. And rainbows can be for anyone.
When rainbows can’t penetrate the fortress of buildings surrounding you, you must go to where the earth is free to meet the endless sky. My heart told me this, and I felt compelled to obey. So I set off till I was far beyond the buildings, further still until finally I stood before an open field that bared the earth to the sky. In acknowledgement of the earth’s fealty, the sky smiled, and the dark clouds edged in brilliance now parted, emitting a spectrum of color that splashed across the sky. And once more, a voice filled my mind.
“You’ve followed your heart, and you’ve found your rainbow. Look closer and perhaps you will find your dreams.”
I walked ahead, climbing the hillside’s highest rise until I stood directly beneath the fantastic arc of light. And I raised my arms, as if hoping to grasp just a handful of color, though what I should do with it, I had no idea at all. But I can’t grasp a piece of a rainbow, now can I? In answer, the world suddenly grew warmer, and I found myself bathed in color drenched light. And if miracles can happen, then that is what I should call it, as I felt the rainbow become part of my innermost self. And with each color blazing, I felt myself transforming into that which is the rainbow, which is to become a part of all that is the world. And as my transcendent figure passed through the rainbow, my insight grew a hundredfold. For each different hue that casts its light upon me shed a deeper, more meaningful understanding of the world.
Red, for the hot blooded lava pulsing within the earth that is its heart.
Orange, for the fires that burned during the creation of the land itself.
Yellow, for the glistening sun above that heralds the dawning of each new day.
Green, for the carpet that cushions the bare earth.
Blue, for the endless sky, and the water that reflects it.
Violet, for the velvet blanket of night that covers the earth while it sleeps.
As I rise up from the rainbow, a being of pure energy, a voice swells around me, rolling like soft thunder, yet wise and comforting, that could only be described as divine.
“Witness, with thine own eyes, the miracle of …. Creation!
There are no words to express what I became a part of. To watch the earth form, to feel the molten lava course through my veins as it coursed through the heart of the newly formed world, to watch the new world transform to a familiar terrain, to see it blossom and grow, to be the warm sun shining, to breathe as one with the wind, to be as expansive and as great as the sky and as placid as the lake below it, to be the cool grass, or the tree that has the wisdom of centuries from standing and watching and being. More than a human, I am one with everything that is. I feel godlike. And I close my eyes just to savor the moment.
I’m lying on my bed. I must have been sleeping. The last rays of today’s sun shine brightly through my window. I feel refreshed, like I had been sleeping for hours, yet the clock has scarcely moved. Such a beautiful dream I’d had. The rare kind of dream that brings peace and tranquility to your heart.
A light tapping on the windowsill tells me the rain hasn’t stopped yet. I smile, remembering my dream. Maybe I should look for a rainbow. I lean towards the window and pull the thin curtain back a bit, wondering why I should even hope for a rainbow at all. But there it is, a magnificent arc stretched across the sky in plain view. The sunlight glistens on my face, and I feel a happy warmth creep through my body leaving my cheeks flushed with joy. I think somebody hung that rainbow there just for me.
The raindrops tap lightly, and somewhere a bird is singing. And in the corner of my room nearest the door, my shoes sit, rain-soaked and sprinkled with grassy confetti. I’ll clean them later. Right now, I’m watching a rainbow.