Small Light Of Hope

From the depths of my sorrow and misery climbs something new…
“Hope” I call it…
A new found light to fill my blackened home…
The void is still there.
Loneliness looming around every corner.
Peering into my soul and prodding me into depression.
I fight back! I lash out with my fury and strike it down.
Have I beaten it back? Is it gone for good?
No, but I have conquered the day.

This light shines bright…
Given to me by a newfound friend.
Her words and inspiration driving me to build myself back up into the tower of greatness that was once me.
I feel the darkness fading, and the void shrinking.
The abyss of my torment closing slowly.

I am not instantly healed, but this spark of life has granted me a starting point.
Like hitting my restart button and rebooting into a safer mode.
I am damaged and broken, so it shall be some time.
Yet still I feel it starting to fade in the growing light of my hope.
Time to press on and pursue what I yearn for.
Love and love retuned.

“I do not have to stop loving her”
More true words never before spoken to me, until now.

Filling with energy I ache to hurl myself into life and happiness once more.
Not caring what I bump into, just yearning to be there again.
Foolish to do so, so I pace myself for a more complete heal.

Show me my fortune, and grant me fame…
Perhaps not in life, but in mind.

I draw upon myself for the strength to move on…
Ah!!! Alas my strength returns!! I am not whole but I shall strive forward.
Breaking bindings that hold me back and pull me into my cold prison.
I am not free…
I still have to walk out and face the sunlight.
Will it’s brightness blind my eyes and burn my flesh?
Am I weathered enough to survive it’s worst onslaught?
Perhaps…
Perhaps not…
But death at the hands of life is better than shying away from it in a cowardly state.

“Strike me down!!! Destroy all that I am!!! Please try!! “
I will no longer lie idly by as you drain my essence away to feed your bottomless pit.
I will defeat this misery or die trying.
I prefer death to never knowing happiness again.
No matter how rough the road becomes or how far back I may sink again Life will not beat me.
I may stumble and stagger a few times…
Grow tired or weak again…
Fall into depression once again…
But I will never give up my pursuit.

Love is my beacon and happiness my destination.
Will I ever make it there in one piece?
Perhaps not, but the road will be an adventure my soul can sing about for eternity.
And there lies the meaning of life…
Not where you end up, but the road you take to get there.

Ah yes looking to far ahead I see…
It’s ok it’s hope and enthusiasm that turns my eyes to the horizon.
Time to focus on the next few steps upon the dirt road before my bruised and battered feet.
It hurts to walk upon the loose gravel and sharp stones that pierce my bare feet,
But the pain tells me I am alive and have not yet been taken down.

The road is dark with much pain and suffering surrounding it, yet I have found it.
The path out of the rotting cesspool of my dismal outlooks…
I am stronger now. Better again. Healing once more.
All from a small spark of hope that light my darkness.

A single small spark…
To set off an avalanche of flooding light to brighten my day…

Will this light continue into brighter days?
Only the morning light will tell…
Time, such an obscure thing, will bring me my answers…
Yet for now I have this shimmering candle of hope to hold me out of the darkness.