spinning apologies

such a disappointment
i know i fucked up again

but what can i say through these tears
that ive not already said

talking in circles
spinning apologies out loud (that never reach your ears)


i tried so hard this time
i did i swear



Its funny sometimes
how things change yet still remain
something different can still feel just the same


i did my part
and killed the part of me that wanted to kill myself
and i smile hoping that this is true happiness i feel
(it was for awhile but im not suure if its still real)



but no matter how much i "improve"
YOUR STILL THE SAME
ive been aching to be home so bad
AND YOU WILL NOT CHANGE
things will just go back to the way they were


how am i always the bad guy
(when its you thats yelling)


i dont want to fight
and i dont want to cry
i cant hold this all inside
(but i have to cause i know you'll use this to your advantage)


so yeah im starting to fall
yeah im regressing
but im not being swallowed by the same depression


im homesick for a home that i cant really call mine


im living for the weekend they say
and its true (but not for you)
because even when your there your not
you blame me for the missed memories
(why dont you get off your ass and enjoy my visit)


i want to be trusted
i want you to believe i can do this
(instead of just questioning everything)

i havent done them things in over a year
ive been away for almost two
what else is there i can do for you
what more can i prove

im losing everything (for myself)
not really though (its all for you)
cause lately ive been missing everything i gave up
(only cause its not appreciated)


i dont want a pat on the back
(its not really a big deal i guess)
but you could atleast reckognize
that im trying
that im really really trying

(im so exhausted)




i dont know how much longer i can do this


or atleast not how much longer i can do this gracefully