XMAS: a peganistic ritual

Twas' the night before Christmas
And all through the land
Children cried for Santa
To place presents in hand

I waited for hours
For a sleigh to arrive
Finally I heard something
When the clock rang 2:39

It ran to and from
Then there wasn’t a sound
This thing seemed to have jumped up
Forgetting to come down

As my heart skipped a beat
Still silence on my roof
Something slipped trough the chimney
Released, covered in soot

His face was coal
Until he opened his eyes
Thin sliced sockets
Were to my surprise

Santa smiled at me and said
“Mewy Cwistmus Wittuh Goul!”
I screamed “WHY?!?!”
For he was oriental

“Well you see…
during the Vietnam War
soilders were misguided
and went south to far

they thought the elves
were the Vietnamese
slaying and shanking
as they damn well pleased

they worked there way through
fighting for no cause
thinking he was the leader
they killed Santa Clause!

when the troops realized
what they had done
they didn’t blame Canada
but us for fun!

the world needed a Santa
they needed one fast
troops told us if we didn’t do it
they would nuke our ass!”

I started to cry
Upon hearing the news
Santa asked me
What he could do

I looked up at him
With a smile, unpleasant
I said, “Would you please
just give me my damn Christmas present?!?”