paranoia
gotta love it
when you feel like noone
likes you anymore
when you think everyone is
trying to stay away
violation
happens to everyone
like that guys hand grabbing
your ass
and you are too shocked to move
depression
stuck in the now
cant get to tomorrow
everything tumbing falling
just crashing down
fear
that you just cant do it
that youre not good enough
or that you once were
but youre old now
worthless and ought to be
thrown away
trashed and
discarded

the you isnt hypothetical. this is a rant. this is my rant. i dont try to lie to people least of all myself. so the truth? its me. all of this is happening right now and i dont know how to deal with it. i dont know how to deal with me. i dont know what im doing and i cant ask for help because people either think i dont deserve it or they have enough trouble of their own. its amazing how you can be so happy one day and the next despise yourself your emotions your mind. theres so much i love about my life but i feel like im giving so much of myself away and im not leaving any left for me. i live breathe plan worry try hate love cry.. it just hurts. and it wont stop. i dont know how to i dont even know if i can. i need someone to tell me im worth it and mean it and for once forget anything theyre doing and make sure im alright. that im alright and havent been discarded.
or maybe i really am paranoid and am being selfish and needy and dont have any right to complain.