Memories

Long ago, in a time and a place that no one can remember,
I gave you a dark-colored amethyst that blazed and danced like an ember.
And long ago, in that place and time that I cannot recall,
You gave me a glowing garnet that was beautiful yet perfect and small.
The distant, fading memories of the past edge and fade away,
But I am positive that we were torn apart on that very same day.
I’ve almost forgotten the way you glided your fingers over my cheek,
And the way our wings wrapped around each other’s physique.

Those beautiful memories seem like nothing but a distant dream,
And all of the things I realize I lost make me want to scream.
When we were together, I had hopes and ideals,
I possessed happiness that was unrealistically surreal.
But all I have now is a shattered heart and tainted soul,
With anger and hatred that often I am hard-pressed to control.
My long black fingernails caress the wooden floor,
I dream of something that once was, but is now no more.

I climb to the highest tower and stare out over the terrain,
Then cry out in anguish over the raging tempest rain.
I pause to inhale deeply and hold my curled hand to my chest,
Then I firmly press the dark ancient garnet into my vest.
Dwelling in my own misery, I hold onto the stone very tightly,
I know that now, even my dreams have become revolting and unsightly.
I pour all of my emotions into my dilapidated hands,
Swirling in sadness, I send the message away to distant lands.

But as usual, the message never returns and simply disappears,
I feel as if I must say goodbye with each tormented black tear.
If only you would have held onto me tighter in the distant past,
We could have made those fading memories permanently last.
Without something to counteract the darkness, I crumble and break apart,
Why should I continue to exist without something to warm my icy black heart?
My existence spent with you felt so earthly mortal and short,
Was falling so far away from each other honestly our last resort?

The answers to that consuming question, perhaps I will never know,
Yet I honestly cannot conceive of why we would let each other go.
After experiencing our lifetime, one without you is murderous pain,
So I prepare to conclude my life that I can no longer fully sustain.
I raise a cold blade and prepare to strike at my withered heart,
From this existence of blinding misery I am determined to depart.
As I close my eyes and prepare to plunge the dagger,
A warm hand quickly grabs mine and I pause and then stagger.
I keep my eyes closed, not believing the warmth that I had just felt,
A touch that once long ago made me burn with loving desire and melt.
Shaking and breathing rapidly, I dare not open mine eyes,
For I believe that if I do, I shall be staring upon only lies.
Soft feathers graze caressingly across my face and scarred hands,
Then spider-silk soft fingers comb back a few rogue hair strands.
I quiver madly and my teeth pierce my soft lip, for I cannot believe what I feel,
An overwhelming sensation of an emotion you gave to me that was so surreal.

Warm arms wrap around my body in a comforting embrace,
Yet I cannot open my eyes to stare upon the illusion’s face.
The gentle feathers wrap around my body and hold me near,
Then blissful, tender lips brush and press against my dried tears.
Quietly, with eyes sealed, fresh tears roll freely down my cheeks,
And though I try, I cannot quell the crying so that I may speak.
Those lips that I had felt, like what seemed an eternity before,
Unlocked memories that could no longer be hidden from me anymore.

A comforting, lulling voice whispered into my ear,
“Through torture, for me, you must persevere.”
Unable to keep the blissful moment inside any longer,
I burst into tears once more and gave up on being stronger.
And as I opened my eyes to whisper to him, his ancient name,
He suddenly was not there and everything around me looked the same.
Screaming in a most inhuman manner, I slammed the blade into the floor,
And shrieked and cried more relentlessly than I have ever before.

We should not have to be this way, separated by distance,
But every time I try to find you, I am met with brutal resistance.
“Persevere”, ever so softly you whispered to me,
But just how far must I go to be with thee?
Time has cut me open and I wonder if I can keep pretending,
Can you not see I feel as if my will to fight is finally ending?
Even with these beautiful memories to me you gave,
They only serve to show me that which I could not save.

Please tell me why must we live in such an ugly place,
For once we lived in your white garden dwelling in each other’s embrace.
For hundreds of years we were together in that beautiful creation,
Yet now you expect me to live in this hideous and unforgiving location?
I shall persist through torture, but I will search harder than before,
Because I am not quite sure how much longer I can go on anymore.
My heart, my sincerity, my love and my hopes all are beginning to expire,
Yet they are barely being kept alive with the devotion that you seem to inspire.