what i want

Is this what i really want anymore?
To go through life being pushed aside
by the people who used to be my friends
i hate that my attempts are denied

The one thing i find comforting though
is the fact that i can just leave
i will no longer have to try
i won't have to deal with the hate i receive

the look of the gun pressed against my temple
is something i've looked forward to for years
i know that with just one bullet
i'll be able to wash away all those tears

some last struggling thoughts race through my mind
do i want people to have an answer to why i'm dead?
should i be doing this to the few people who care?
but there's nothing anymore to the life i've led

as i looked in the mirror and pulled the trigger
i got a last thought that i want to hold on
that maybe it will all work out somehow
but now it's too late, i'm gone