Author's note: This poem was written a few years ago when I was battling a nasty opium/alcohol addiction.

I don't consider this poem my best, or 'good' by any means but, when I reread it after so many years, it spoke to me about my own personal addiction.

I've been clean for over a year now.

I'm posting this in hopes that maybe someone/anyone going through the same thing or even something similar will read this and it will speak to them as well.

To those that this poem personally speaks to.. the life that you're living is not worth living. There's something better out there for you.

You're better than this. Reach out. There's at least one person who wants to see you better.

And if you feel that no one cares, I do.


I have never felt a love like opium
Not one before or after
No one makes me feel the same
Nothing has ever felt so real

I packed my love into one little pill
My hatred melts away
I feel like I'm getting away with a victimless crime
When the real victim is me

I tell myself, 'Tomorrow'
'I will face it all'
'I'll get it all together..'
'Tomorrow.'

The inky blacks of your existence
Leak out at your most vulnerable moments
Waterfalls of pitch
Toxic rainfalls brought on

But unholy clouds rain down
And scream and scream and scream
Scream your every mistake in your ear
Every flaw, every fault, absolutely everything wrong with you

'Just one little dose.'
You tell yourself
'And it all goes away..'
'But only just for today..'

Today fades into tomorrow
Tomorrow fades into nothing
And nothing becomes just a blur within your memory
And now you're just falling asleep

Just an addict
I'm just another statistic
That has sold their soul
To a pharmaceutical devil

I am what you made me.
I am what I made myself.

I am what I'm meant to be.
Just to be happy.