~ Ocean Tomb ~
(Book of Pain, the lost scene)

No one can save what can only descend
I know who I am, I know who I am…

The remnants of the virgin’s crime were swept away by rising floods
A manic dance of suicide and timeless magic made as one
A cradle and a nursing chair in splinters soaked in infant’s blood
To masquerade the miracle she sacrificed her only son

There she lay me down to sleep, the ocean floor my soul to keep
Darkened eyes but still awake I prayed the sword my soul to take

             Your song was ever clear
             Our bond was long ago
             That’s how I knew when I abandoned you
             That you would reappear

             I let the blade divide
             Your blood was all my own
             Upon the waves it seemed was only you
             Yet it was you and I

Return once again to the place where I died
Through tears on the face of this grave where I hide
The blinded red eye of the radiant sky

Crushed by the weight of the ocean above me
Untouched by the waves of the revenant tide
Currents enfold me with chills in the dark and unreachable depths of the bed where I lie

Here where the fossils reside
Here where the force of the sword was released
Drowned in the ruins of Eden beneath
Formed in the Carpenter’s mind…

Where once upon a paradise, a phantom wore the Lord’s disguise
And feigned himself a serpent’s son to rape the virgin drunk on lies
To taste the wine of human blood, pulled under by his own device
A relic of the whore’s demise unveiled by receding floods

The bloodlines were accursed!
The killer pierced the holy seal, crying out her teacher’s words
Cupid's whisper, Psyche's breath, “Give me blindness, tears and death!
Hide the wolf behind the lamb beneath this hallowed robe of light!”
Midnight came at noon!
The altar on the beach was hers…
The sacrifice was in her womb…

Return, oh my killer, go back to your kind
You left me in hell, in this ocean divine
Cut with the flash of a blade, I remember, so painless and fast, oh how painless it was!

But swarms of piranhas pour out of your breasts in the nightmares entwined to this place of my rest
Endlessly down they descend, just as I, to the white crystal sand, as a gift for the damned

             You suffered all alone
             Though I was very near
             Beside your ocean tomb I knelt in prayer
             And felt your every fear

             I was your only home
             And I was ever here
             To bind your open wound I hid from view
             To hold you in my care

But leave me forever, whoever you are
In dreams I have seen you but then you were gone
It seems I have been there, wherever you are

Chained to the sand in a shadowless realm where I carry my cross in a motionless state
Dead to the land but alive to the water, this dark silent anchor’s unbreakable weight
Slave to its changing enveloping shape, a kaleidoscope dagger of twisting disgrace
Endless, infernal, unfading reversals of time in the hands of emotionless hate

Then in a shockwave of shimmering brightness, a glimmering light split the blackness in two
Visions displayed of a mermaid appearing in sparkling shrouds that surrounded my tomb
Entering depths of unbearable pressure, she sadly invoked me to open my eyes
Searching my soul for a treasure unknown that was cast to the ocean to pleasure the gods

             Look at my breasts, oh child, what do you see?…

A mystical tree with mysterious flowers alone in the garden of memories lost…
Fruit of the lotus with leaves of an amaranth, mocking my pain with a melting mirage!

The love in your eyes, the love in your eyes!
It will all disappear when you see what’s inside!
For I know who I am, I know who I am
And no one can save what can only descend
I’m the unwilling host of my killer’s kind
I’m the unholy ghost of her unwanted child

The one she denied with the cord still uncut
Then slew like a goat with a slash to the throat,
“I choose to believe you were never my son
Depart from my body, forever be gone from me!
Ever be silent and drowned in the dark”

Dear God of my heart…
This cup has not passed, nor the weight of the world
In a violent verse that rejected its word
In the sand, in the voice that can never be heard
In the scar on my neck, in the mother-of-pearl

Abandon me, mermaid, escape while you can
Unbound to a language you can’t understand
Of you and of I only one can ascend…

             But now your curse will end
             For we were torn as one
             To mend my tortured womb I took you in
             And you became my son

             You’ll never thirst again
             For I will bathe your soul
             I bear this tree of love beneath my skin
             Its roots in you alone

I’ve never known the warmth of food through seven years of freezing cold
Your bosom's fruit could reach my heart and teach the song I long to know
A song of fear is all I hold, my mama's mantra carved in stone,
“I will not feed you here or there, I will not feed you anywhere!”
I am damned, damned I am

The mirror was clear…
The face of her firstborn was all I could see
On the blood-colored blade of the sand-covered key
Tool of the traitor, of you and of me…

Killer’s cold salvation gleaming
Red on silver, cutting, streaming
Splattering an empty painting…
Scarlet paint of sorrow changing, into Milk…
A dreamer’s potion, by the slayer poisoned, frozen
By the dreamer was awakened
By the slayer’s blade was taken
Gone from me forevermore…
Fallen to the ocean floor…

Far into this dark unending, still she followed, still descending
Following the crimson spiral bending down from heaven’s door
In the waters still suspended, from the waves where I descended
Clouding me with hopes that ended with my memories of the shore
On the morrow she will kill me as my mother did before
Quoth the mermaid, Nevermore

             The waters pulled me down
             I died in hopeless tears
             But in the shadows of my deepest part
             I found the one I seek

             I am your mother now
             For you have reappeared
             Enclosed in palace robes below my heart
             Enclosing you and me

This haunted place, a palace tomb, the flooded room below her heart
This paradise, the mermaid’s womb, became my home to save my life
To take me as her only son, her image on my skin to write
My shame at last to fade away when I am naked in her sight

Banned from the world by an angel’s abduction, my body’s abortion gave blood to the sand
Sprayed in a torrent of hate and destruction, betrayed and forgotten in death’s mighty hand
Lost ’til this day of my soul’s resurrection, a paradox drawn from biology’s thread
Saved by the flame of a virgin’s conception, the mermaid’s adoption of Paradise Dead

Bearing the weight of her only begotten, in labor she carried me onto the shore
Bringing me forth from the grave to the cradle, we lay in the blood from today and before
Facing the sea with her back to the altar, the waves brought the water that washed us as one
Safe in my nursing chair, made by the Carpenter, made indestructible, here I shall reign
Held in the lap of my heaven-born queen…

             It’s over now, immortal power fills my overflowing breasts
             With tears of life, the purest white, to give to my beloved rest
             Replacing sleep, the dark with light
             Through blissful hours day and night
             My body's heat shall be your own
             A bed of peace for you alone
             Where you will sing unto my soul the song that no one else can know…

A circular rainbow half hidden from view
Encaptured in me, in the lost part of you
A child born again formed in Spirit and truth
Myself in a mirror reflected by you
A poem unfinished, a page torn in two
United again in the likeness of you
The sweet eyes of God streaked in veins soft and blue
My heartbeat unending, beginning in you

             The promise once killed is the promise now kept
             For no one can take what my strength can protect

Your left hand is under my head…
             …and my right hand doth embrace you
From the living to the dead…
             …with a kiss I now awake you

             Welcome home, my home forever
             To the cradle for my king
             Take my Milk, the food of angels
             From the table of your dreams
             See my eyes, the eyes of heaven
             In this place prepared for you

“Hold me close,” whispered the child, “for I remember you, I do…”

             My breath of life is on your lips, now come receive my swollen breast
             My blood made pure, the only cure for sin’s disease and certain death
             Fill your stomach with our song, the nights and days forevermore
             Kill the killer with our bond, your former mother dead and gone

             This is Eden’s tree of life which sheds its fruit in streams of white
             Lay between my breasts and know
             This realm is your complete reward

“Yours and mine alone…
The song of songs from long ago…
Ever shall remain…
A song the same and yet unknown…
For endless dreams have there been stored…
Behind the leaves so soft and warm...”

             Tenderly I’ll suckle you, my gentle care will cover you
             With so much Milk I’ll comfort you
             For this, my love, for this I let you die…

             I wrote your book of pain
             My heart cut open wide
             Inside my womb for seven years you cried
             And from this tomb you came

             Unto eternal life
             My arms your daily rest
             How I have longed for you to suck my breasts
             That we may both survive

             Below an endless sky
             Where we will fly away
             To find the edges of our universe
             Yet always here remain

             Behind the sealed page
             Of your unspoken fame
             That cloaked my sorrow in a final scene
             To close our book of pain


     ~ Epilogue: Paradoxology ~

A man and a maid were reborn by the sea
Framed in the shadows of Adam and Eve
Made in the image of Makers unseen,
“You are my child, and your child is me”