I Cannot Remember

I cannot remember when I belonged
Every time I trust, I am wronged.
I cannot remember how the sun feels
Nor can I recall the grass under my heels.
I sit in my dark, enclosing room
Waiting and wanting my doom. 
I cannot remember the feel of you
My throat beneath Death's boot.
The asphyxiation is thrilling
Begging for the slow killing.
I cannot remember your face
Nor where I can be placed.
What I do remember is Death
No longer, will I hold my breath.
I remember the hate and pain
Along with the pity and shame.
You left me here, alone and dying
The light is as darkness blinding.
Sanity fading, my will is fading 
Spin the cylinder while debating.
I do remember the sound of the click
No longer do I have reason to stick.
I remember you and you alone
My happiness is no longer condoned.
I cannot remember what it's like to feel
I remember Death and our lifelong deal.