Drunk on Loneliness

I have become so lonely,
I've started having conversations
With my loneliness.
We drink together
And drown together -
Sometimes in crown royal ,
Sometimes in tears. Most of the time I can't even remember who I am. What I loved .what I wanted in life. Everything is a washed away memory. Leaving only pain and emptiness in it's place .Between loneliness and depression there is nothing really left of me. Just a hollowed out shell of who I used to be. I feel pushed aside like an old toy when Christmas comes along. I feel unwanted. I feel like a mistake. Like someone better could take my place. I talk to myself more than anyone else now which in turn makes me feel even crazier than before. All I want is attention. To know someone still cares. Even when I don't care about myself. But instead the only attention I capture is the attention of these four walls staring back at me..... Giving me the silent treatment. Just staring at me. Eating holes through my brain as I go more insane.  So I'll just sit here in the dark all alone as I petrify into more of a nothing than I already am.all the while wishing I was more important than something.....more important than anything??_  just to feel important period....