There is nothing left for me here
So when my time comes I go without fear
Into the subconscious, deep down below
I will live in silence, I will gladly let go
No matter my choice, no matter my step
I always seem to fall; I always am left with regret
I’ve tried so hard to be someone that I am not
I have blurred the lines between fact and my own thoughts
Adamantly proclaiming my lies to anyone that will listen
As if I had a purpose, as if I lived with conviction
The truth is, I live everyday simply based on what is expected
Expectations of a society that wants you to become infected
With the disease of greed, of hate, of time
They want you to be like everyone else, they seem fine
The problem is I am not programmed like a clone
and I cannot allow what others blindly condone
No matter my loss of sanity, I still see the lines
I know what you think of me, I’m not ready to shine
Something holds me back, ties me to my past
And I can’t seem to overcome it, every attempt fails to last
Im tired and broken, I can’t even put a lock on my own door
To keep the evil outside to keep temptation at shore
Weak from trying to be a better person
Bitter from experiences that have made me a distorted version
I look the same as you but don’t confuse us
You don’t truly understand what it feels like to be hopeless
Ill tell you that it is more than just simple words
You can define it, you can explain it, you can call it absurd
But the truth is this darkness wants me to end my life
It wants me to play dead, it wants me to give up the fight
And honestly, the idea doesn’t sound so wrong
It sounds almost like an idea that I should’ve listened to all along
 I’ve heard this voice before, it’s tone consumes me with shame
Takes me down to a place that not many would dare to name
Countless people go to sleep without ever opening their eyes
 They never have to be hurt again by another’s lies
There is honor in acceptance, in admitting your words were never true
You told them what they wanted to hear but they weren’t coming from you
I know what they want from me, I know why they came
To persuade me to stop, to plead with me to change
I can’t be sober; I can’t handle my own thoughts
Constantly tearing myself down reminding me of what I am not