CONUNDRUM

My supplications to Elohim
have consistently traveled upward.
As I continue waiting for a reply,
the main question of my souls theme ensnare me.
My insides are scorched;
seared and chafed, while acrimony has seized me into the abyss.
I have endeavored and have not, nurtured and desired not;
done much, and then withdrawn.
The expanse refined, and feasted upon;
swallowed whole, and spat back out.
The torment is ever harrowing, and the enigma persists.
What must I assimilate, and what more is there to discover?
Nothing has diverged; the outcome is consistent.
How do I surrender this to you Adonai?
Tell me how to abscond and achieve serenity?