- House of Ez -

Your beauty brings out the demons in me. You are like an art sculpture that needs to be felt to be truly admired because the satisfaction of just looking is simply not enough. Ever since my memory permits, what I have always wanted is to be needed. What I have always needed is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I have always needed is somebody that will eat up all my freedom, my ego and my attention. Somebody addicted to me; a mutual addiction of sorts. And the fact that everything I ever wanted is inside of you, makes me want to rip myself apart. But you are so far away from everything and yet I still feel like I am close to absolutely nothing. Even in these walls built of rage and doors of anger; windows barred with pure hatred of all things; even in this house of wrath and fury, I don’t think I could ever bring myself to burn away these feelings for you. You are the closest thing to my image of perfection and yet the furthest thing away from me. Grab me by the neck and consume me whole wont you! Devour my darkness, my dusk and my nights. I still remember the day I saw the slight glimpse of your inner masochist while you smiled at your misery, and then you saw the hidden indication of my inner sadist as I smiled back at you. My heart is lying hunched over at Ason. My feet are walking the condom covered streets of Thamel. My hands are painting a masterpiece on a blank canvas using nothing but water. And if only even for a second you were to know the things I feel for you, I doubt you would ever see me in the same light again. That being said, your ignorance keeps dismembering every piece of patience I have left. You swallow my mind, every dwindling dream design, leaving behind nothing! All mercy denied. You have taken everything and I cannot give anymore. My thoughts are scraping through my skull and I don’t even know what for! If I could start again, I would do things differently. I would not take so long to confess to these screaming-hollow eyes. I would not give myself the opportunity to influence these words of self pity. My words would be of those that actually make sense and I would have come to a definitive conclusion sooner. All I know is that I would have found a way to you by now. I would have found a way.