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Crows on the 16th
By Sin Amor
The lake exhales a thick breath upon the shore.
The buildings become unremarkable
Consciousness is a tangible liability
And my spirit yearns for release.
However,
These unyielding metal birds,
These, glaring, flightless crows,
grip me tightly, and weigh me down.
Death is lighter than a feather,
Yet, duty, is as heavy as a mountain.
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Copyright 2011 Sin Amor
Published on Friday, November 3, 2023.
Filed under:
"Poetry"
Author's Note:
16th June 2011 This is the day I recieved my first real promotion to Petty Officer in the United States Navy~Comments on "Crows on the 16th"
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A former member wrote:
This poem has such weight, such a presence and it is refreshing. It's the kind of work that once you read it, you just have to sit and think about it. Thank you for sharing.
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On Thursday, June 30, 2011, Ladyhawke
(394)
wrote:
Wow, now that was an amazing write! The imagery here was just phenomenal! June. 16 just happens to be my birthday too. Weird huh? Great piece. I cant say that enough. Awesome job. Two thumbs up!!
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A former member wrote:
"consciousness is a tangible liability" I really liked this phrase... you speckle your metaphors with profundity well... a nice mix of sensory and cerebral, and duty is as heavy as a mountain; indeed.... part of that tangible liability, is it not always the ethic that weighs heaviest..... I almost saw the birds as being the duty... about to splash into the lake, perhaps... well wrought, thanks for sharing *bows*
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On Friday, June 17, 2011, ubiquitoussoul
(346) wrote:
immediately that opening line is magnificent!..'consciousness..' how heavy and truth bearing this is..and to use metal to describe these crows was cleverly done..and then after seeing something as abstract and city bound a birds gripping you my stomach sinks and my heart slows to the last two lines..like that ocean wave slowly came back to swallow and drown me in the expanse of this poem..as heavy as a mountain my bones shattered beneath the minute split second of death.. how it took the earth countless centuries to build one tower and seconds to rid of a life..to decompose into the ever self sustaining world..troubles..heartache..all the obstacles and then the slips between...you are a real poet..I'm impressed by your offerings..
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A former member wrote:
This takes me to the wild places...where I think about how heavy life is...how light death is...so true. The responsibilties of life, the devourers...death, the release. I couldn't have worded it better...this is a train of thought that has been running through my mind for some time...thank you for the starkly inspiring words. & truly...the buildings are quite unremarkable....at least the way I see it....
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