I was so young, and so was he. The ten years difference didn’t matter at all to me. He was so strong and protected me, I felt so safe with him. I thought nothing bad could ever come in. We had something special that others could see. His eyes smiled with his lips and he was beautiful to me. He was so full of life and love.But one night late, a knock at the door, and our lives changed course for evermore.  He was dead they told me. An accident they said.  It was disbelief, it was anger, and it was incredible dread, a hurting like I have never known. My lover, my soul mate, my only love, was gone.   There were people all around but it seemed I was alone, I felt surrounded by darkness;  I couldn’t comprehend, there was so much going on, the tears, the screaming to no end. It was overwhelming sadness, a void within. Maybe unfair suffering, to look into my baby’s face and all I could see then was his father’s eyes and smile, all I could do is look at him and cry, and cry and cry. I held tightly to this baby, I could not let go. Nothing could happen to him, now he was all I had to show and love, for this too brief of a life we had with his father.  The baby was barely walking, and the other one unborn, inside of me. Neither child ever allowed the joy of knowing of this wonderful man that had given them life. Oh he loved them so much, and they would have loved him so much. Our lives would have been so differently if only he could have stayed with us. I close my eyes and it was like it happened last night, and sometimes it feels surreal, the life and time I had with him, like it never was real, too good to be true, and yet now too sad to talk about even now forty years later.