Identities page 1

IdentitiesBy: Bethany Baines I was a happily married woman with two kids, before my life flipped upside down. I had many psychological problems growing up. I had two problems to be exact; their names were Michelle and Claire, and they were my worse half. I suffer from Multiple Personality Disorder, but I didn’t find out until much too late. I write to you from my dorm in the Psychiatric Ward. I want my story known. “I Have Faith in You, Help Me”             It all started when my husband caught me being unfaithful, or so he says. I don’t remember… just waking up to him screaming at me. I’ll never forget the look he gave me the day of our wedding. It was like he wasn’t looking at me, but someone else, through me. He was looking into my eyes, no doubt, but I felt like someone else was staring back at him, someone else in my body. It was the strangest, most sickening feeling I’ve ever felt.            We did almost everything together and my strong trust in him was almost broken when I found out he hadn’t been faithful. That broke my heart and led me to do some shameful things. I became an addict even worse than before. I used his mistake as an excuse for everything. I thought it may have been the reason I cheated in the first place, maybe I knew it on the inside, and I was just in denial. But like I said, I don’t remember.When I became pregnant with my first-born, I was beginning to convince myself that I was infertile. But by some sort of miracle I gave birth in the summer of ’93. She was my little prize sent by the Gods. Favoring her father in every aspect of everything she did, from her baby laugh to her baby smell. I couldn’t have been happier with the outcome of our genes mixing.Shortly after, about 4 years, I had been through six miscarriages. I don’t know if it was because of the miscarriages or he could tell how I felt on the inside, but we were fighting constantly. I was devastated. But low and behold, another gift from the Gods came along and we agreed to make our marriage work with whatever it took. I mean this baby girl deserves two parents during her childhood.My husband and I were Christians. We had a faith that was stronger than blood was thick. One night my husband awoke from a dream that he believed to be sent by God, Himself. He said we were to move to Texas. I wasn’t thrilled to be moving away from my family but, seeing as I believed God worked in mysterious ways, I had a feeling that He was trying to test my faith in my husband. So, as any good wife would do, I followed. I remember spending our last night in our home state with his mother. We awoke very early to drive the 48 hours to our calling. We took everything we could. I started having nightmares not too long after we began getting into a new routine for our new life. My husband took us to a new church. He worked there as a preacher and also performed in the band as a guitarist and vocalist. I loved when my husband would sing for our kids.I was never a good chef. It was my husband who cooked for us. I cleaned, mostly. I thought maybe if I were able to do more things like the stereotypical wife, we wouldn’t fight as much. He had a secret hate for me, I could taste it in my morning coffee when he’d purposely add an extra scoop of ground beans so it would be too strong for my taste buds, which preferred continued on page 2..