Ecstatically Depressed

I am simultaneously being sucked into a blackhole and blown to smithereens with nuclear force
I am drowing in despair and clawing my way to the edge of sanity
I want to spare you the pain of it all but I'm dragging you in because I need some company
I see no light at the end of the tunnel, but it shines so bright it hurts my eyes
I need comfort and solace, so please go away
I need a hand to hold and a shoulder to cry on, no don't touch me please
I want to end it all and experience all life has to offer
Without the murky plexiglas layer that only allows me to vaguely see what I am after.