So here we are.....

I have opened my notebook and I’m ready to write… and although I know what feelings I have to spill all over this sheet, it’s not coming as I would have hoped. I want something flowery… something pretty. But all that has seemed to left me now. My inspiration has been gone for far too long. I want to write something that you would love, just to have you think of me, even for a minute.

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I want you to know I apologize for all the shit I put you through.

I want you to know how jealous I am that you’re having a baby for her when we couldn’t have one together.

I want you to know how much it would have meant to me to be the mother of your children.

I want you to know that I know I did the same thing, and I don’t understand why I feel this way.

I want you to know that she should be me and he should be you.

I want you to know that I dream about you almost every night.

I want you to know that I am happy for you, even though I’m not (if that makes sense).

I want you to know I haven’t been able to write ONE POEM since you’ve been gone.

I want you to know that I look at our pictures at least once a week.

I want you to know that I love you (always have and always will).

I want you to know that I made a mistake.

I want you to know that I will miss you for the rest of my life.

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To Whom it May Concern (You know who you are):

Congratulations! I wish you the best with your new baby and I hope you are happy in life and always will be. I no longer feel bitter (LIE) and it makes my heart (RIP OUT OF MY CHEST) happy to know that you have found someone new. I wish that I could see you (TO GIVE YOU THE KISSES I WASN’T ABLE TO BEFORE) to wish you these blessings face to face.

All my love,

Your Walking Thesaurus

**Sadly, to post this I must remove another, which has your comments on it… that saddens me, because I reflect upon them often just to hear your beautiful words once more***