2007-09-30 Journal Entry

So last Thursday a guy we know brings over some Salvia, which for about two years now I have been looking into this hallucinogenic plant. It seemed rather hard to find, basically because it hides under the pseudonym of incense, and not meant for "internal consumption." So I was quite thrilled to have found somebody that could find it. So he comes over, he's kind of nervous about doing it first and Aug seems a little reluctant too. So me being that I have had more experience with mind-altering drugs, took the first hit. They (the seller) made it clear that the herb has to reach a certain temperature and be inhaled fast and held for at least 50 seconds or more. Before I even exhaled, I had already begun to feel the effects. Aug took the pipe and took a hit, but the herb was grated quite fine so as you pack it it's more like a one-hitter deal. So he felt nothing more than just a high like marijuana. I, on the other hand, started laughing, I felt heavy. My head began to feel hot and the sensations I felt can only be described as a 'body-ferris-wheel.' I felt like I was being pushed, taken under, up, and then to fall fast, all the while I was just sitting on the couch. Aug and his friend re-packed and tried again, nothing. I can only assume that they weren't holding it in long enough. The trip, the craziest part of the Salvia, is when first exhaled, it hits so fast your mind doesn't even rationalize the change in mind thought, and lasts only for about five to ten minutes. Which is best, for someone who does not know exactly how they are going to take it. Because it is truly intense. I came down, still feeling effects for up to thirty minutes after and Aug and his friend still had not experienced what I had. So they assumed it was a placebo effect, that I wanted it so much that I altered my mind to bend in such a way that it was no longer in control of itself at all. I beg to differ. So Aug's friend tried it again, me totally stressing the point at this time about holding it in as long as possible. He finally did it and passed the threshold of just a "high like marijuana feel," but after he came back said it wasn't what he was looking for. Which from all the information I've gathered on Salvia, the user usually does not wish to repeat the experience. But me, I was still quite fascinated, which is unusual because I truly do not like drugs at all. And I think that's why the guy didn't appreciate the experience. He was looking for a 'party drug' and this is not it. Its actually been known as the 'diviners sage' or the 'plant of maria', and was used and still is for voyage questing and meditation as well as healing. So I ask for another try, by this time our friend Trent comes by as well as Aug's brother. They stand in the living room because there was no room on the couch, which by this time I was off again, and the fact that they were standing kind of freaked me out. I began to feel like I was in the floor, not on the floor, but in it. Like I wasn't on the couch anymore, I wasn't in the room, I was somewhere else. I could see Xac and Aug, trent, all just laughing. I spoke, but no one would look at me. I felt like I didn't exist. So at this time a melancholy feeling had clouded my head. I think the group of people, is what freaked me out. I came back down and I described what I felt and Xac was like, "Shawna we were watching you the whole time." We got Trent to do it, and he got it with the first try also. As he left he said, "Man I just smoked acid." Aug still has yet to feel it.

So we have this store that opened up not too long ago on Winchester Road called Botany Bay, I hadn't been at all, and was told that's where to get it at. The guy that came over actually got it at Botany Bay but the one in Richmond. So yesterday (Saturday) I planned on coming down to my rents house, I told my mom all about Salvia and I told her I wanted her to try it as well. So we stopped in before coming to Willisburg, bought a fresh bowl, and some Salvia. Which it kind of sucked because the Salvia that I did on Thursday was 5x, the guy accidentally gave me 20x, so I was a little nervous. We end up going to Lebanon for the festival called Ham Days, have a couple of beers, and walk around downtown listening to a local band playing. They were pretty cool, played good music. I was actually surprised because they even played some Tool, and it was an interesting site because Lebanon is kind of a small town and it was a family function, so interesting.

We get home and I tell PJ about the herb. He's skeptical as always, because he's not a smoker and doesn't like the act of smoking at all. Now, Salvia can be chewed but the effects supposedly last up to an hour, an hour of the crazy trip, and thirty to an hour coming down. So I wouldn't recommend that to anyone who's never even smoked it. So I'm sitting there trying to explain how to do it to my brother and my dads at the table just snickering. So PJ does it, doesn't feel a thing, so my dad feels like his point is proven. So I'm like, "well dad, you're a smoker, you try it." I hold it for him, plugging the carb, we wont even deal with that, I had a stop watch to make sure he held it in as long as he could. He exhaled, he kept his cool. I noted the far-away look, I asked him how he felt, he looked at me, and said "damn this shit does work." Which to me, was kind of cool, because usually I don't get the chance to prove him wrong. So then I get my mom to do it, which I should have known that she probably couldn't handle it. She took the hit, set back in the chair, and started feeling it before she exhaled. She got all quiet, and sad looking. After about ten minutes she was able to speak, "I don't like that," she said, "it made me feel like I wasn't here, I went away somewhere. Something was talking to me, but it wasn't any of you". I gave PJ another try, still didn't get it. You would think, we breath everyday, inhaling something shouldn't be that big of a problem, but obviously with this little experiment I've been doing, quite a couple of people can't seem to grasp it. So then I do it, even before I exhale, I'm tripping. For some reason there was a negative aspect to it. Afterwards PJ says that it's probably because I was with parents, not that I have a problem with my family so much as that sometimes we just don't get along. I start asking my father, in my fucked up state, why he didn't react the way I do, when I hit it. He kept his cool, and I, the world was spinning. I kept repeating these words, but no answer was forthcoming. I got out of my seat, moved closer to the recliner in the living room and instead of sitting in it like a normal human being I was on the arm part of it, wishing to god that this negative feeling would go away, I clung to my brothers shirt, he was standing, and told him I was freaking out. For some reason, PJ was my life-boat at this time. Probably because there were only sinister faces of a drug that's mind altering and subduing the rest of us. After the intense, fucking intense, ten minutes, I returned to my seat at the table beside my father. By this time, the terrible had fleeted from my mother and she was at this point laughing, as well as my father. PJ looking at us like we went mad, which indeed we had, and at this point I do not know if I will be the same. It's calming, contemplative after-effects, sort of put a drain to your system, like a traumatized experience. Talking, really has lost its value at this point. It's now four in the morning on Sunday, we did the Salvia at about eight last night. I will say that like LSD, the body feeling is the same the next day, like shit.

I do strongly believe that there might be a point when you have to realize you're gone. The fact that a cloud comes over me when I do Salvia, it is not the plant that makes this happen, it's the mindset. After this experience, I feel I have learned something. A calming has taken place afterwards, but the fears and pains I have in my head are obviously not healed yet and they come out when the mind is forced to overwork itself to realize that this is just a dream, be it my reality or the drug itself.

I don't recommend Salvia to anyone who's just looking to get fucked up, because more then likely, you'll be more inclined to wander aimlessly through the Universe, without a purpose, and gain nothing when you return. But to someone who's looking to learn a little bit more about themselves and can handle the world falling away from them for a little while, it is worth a try.