Comments by jonLyndon
- ""Lacing rivers of blood and pulpy flesh" Splendid imagery w/ some excellent well-crafted rhyme; as much as I like your use of alliteration, it does feel just a little forced (sorry); love that you end on 'crawl' & begin next line w/ 'Cracked skulls...' but I have a hard time feeling the use of 'cadavers' as much as I understand where you are bringing the poem. It's so close to perfect (for me) I just wish the alliteration was less forced; I think (IMO) just switching the 2 words cadavers & corridors around would greatly increase the feel of this excellent poem. I hate giving critique (I know my poems are not always spot on) as I feel like a bit of a dung, but that's my only point of The Great Criticism. The final 2 lines absolutely bring this poem together like a Lovecraftian pulse, "seething & entombed". Also, I love the intro line. Very well done!"
Posted by jonLyndon on "Awaiting Dark Dominion" by Riven Waker
