When You Say That
By Sepulcrawl
The tides of the day
Reave you from place
Grandeurs of time.
Somewhere the resolute
Intergenerate with the
Dancing dregs.
It wasn’t much else
Opiates in the mornings
Jamaican showers.
Why I turned about
I shall never understand
Perfect sight for perfect minds.
And beheld your face
Weathered and wrought
Like old leather.
When I wonder about
Times passed
I see you.
Death in the light of day
The diminution of sight
Plagued interstellar lights.
Where downs revive
And flesh is rent
Seven ways from remiss.
When the demure
Silence rings in your ears
Much as a passed star,
You will have seen my
Lead in the auspices of
Lightning remnants.
Coming to bear in
White clefts of
Salt flats.
I had sooner thought you
Dead than another
Conglomerate of
The chastity of the woe
For the sevenfold tense
Of a lightning day.
I postulate that
You may again soar
In space below.
Yours was the evidence
Of a life spent searching
For that last remnant of time:
The vertebrate condition.
Comments on "When You Say That"
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On Thursday, May 17, 2007, Mylissa
(825) wrote:
This explodes with passion, I enjoy your words, flow and the way it reached to me. Outstanding.
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On Thursday, May 17, 2007, Sepulcrawl
(78) wrote:
sweetheart, you drive me to be a better man ;]
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On Thursday, May 17, 2007, Cattarax
(210) wrote:
The wording in this is remarkable ... I had to read it twice to fully understand everything you were trying to say .. :) ~T~
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A former member wrote:
"Plagued interstellar lights" This is real (I could say much more, but I'll keep it 'to the point'). Perfect final line.
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A former member wrote:
I'm speechless. This was truly amazing
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On Sunday, May 13, 2007, Sepulcrawl
(78) wrote:
go to hell
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A former member wrote:
"And flesh is rent"...and we can never own...I don't feel that your meaning is compromised by your word choice.you reflect the deterioration of body and time. Another wonderful write, my friend. ~Meg
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On Friday, May 11, 2007, stormtalk
(727) wrote:
the last line is excellent, but your word choice too often overshadows your meaning
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On Friday, May 11, 2007, Sepulcrawl
(78) wrote:
I think I see where you are coming from. However, I am not totally sure I don't wish for a departure from form. I am unsure what to do about it -- perhaps every poem needs a problem.
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On Friday, May 11, 2007, stormtalk
(727) wrote:
the question is, are you writing for you or for everyone else? if the first, excellent... if the second, i think they'll get more out of it if they understand it (provided that you aren't just showcasing the verbal aesthetics)
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A former member wrote:
Either Metallica, or metallica. Always for the self (unless for someone dedicated). I know I don't make sense half the time, but I always like the feel... when I try to write a Quality Structured poem, it useually doesn't feel like me, and thus it sucks.
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On Saturday, May 12, 2007, Sepulcrawl
(78) wrote:
You could be dead right, or you could be full of shit. i have not yet decided. Perhaps you do not possess the intellectual accuity to understand this -- perhaps few to none do