As my Jealous Heart drowns...

What is it that I feel?
Is it anger?
Or maybe jealousy...
That I am not the one by your side

I know not what these emotions mean
I know only the pain that they cause
I know only that I wish them gone

I wish so much to be with you,
Your touch so gentle...
Your voice so soft...
Lifting me up when I am down...

Though now your words strike me like daggers
Bleeding out my reason
Drops of lost passion pelting the floor
A pool of shattered dreams forming at my feet

No longer do I wish to stay afloat in this pool
For it has grown too deep,
And I grow weary
My eyes close now...

No more words will spill from my mouth
No more jokes...
No more laughs
No more will I stare forever into your eyes

I sink now...
What more can one do?
So long have I tried,
Tired to keep my head above the despair

Your caring arms picking me out,
Only to drop me right back in
Rushing me faster to the bottom,
The bottom where I now lay

Though the bottom...
The bottom is not as cold as I imagined
Despair and jealousy warm my heart...
Feelings I all to well understand...

Understanding...
Something I long wished to do with you
Understand what it was I felt for you
Understand what could be made with you

But these questions escape me,
At the bottom they matter not

So peaceful is it to understand ones feelings,
Even if I lay here alone,

For being alone is something I’m use to,
A pain that has brought forth many tears,
But a pain I understand…

Though my heart still bleeds,
Bleeding with a futile hope
That somehow you will take a chance
And pull me out of this miserable hell

But oh how I wish to stop this vain hoping
For I fear my heart may run dry
And turn hard

Though I can do nothing but lay here,
Lay here and drown…