Well, well, well...here I am. Here I am, subjected to life's trials and tribulations. Left out and basically alone at school, I turn to the darkness within me to fulfill what I don't have. But isn't that what got me into an office in the first place? Yeah...but still I feel an unleashing about to happen that I can't control. I don't know who or what to turn too. I've been feeling like I want to release the held in tears...but for what? I don't know. Maybe I do have clinical depression...it runs in my family you know. Maybe I'll become like my grandpa...shooting myself and stabbing myself with a letter opener over a fight when I am seventy...he was a sad dismal character that scared me. i never knew him that well...and i wouldn't have wanted too from what i heard about him from my mom. someday soon i want this to end. maybe not all at once. just the feeling that im about to burst open like a baloon. but maybe people will be happy if i do go off...since ive never been completely honest with them.

i am confused, no doubt about that. i got colleges to apply too...and college will definitly bring about a change...good or bad i dont know. but i am excited about geting over my miserable teen years and into adulthoood and responsibility.