A savage blow has ripped through me once again
Your choice to pull the very source of me that drives me through this life
He is me I am him
It does not matter to you these miles you chose to put between us
Miles of sadness and empty I will be lost without him
Your selfishness has left me bitter and him without his dad.
Birthdays holidays alone missing these pieces of his life ripping me of mine
How could you speak of my selfishness when you left the years I have been there for you and supported you as a family?
We could not be, this was your choice
A choice that is and always will be on you
What is best when you chose a life alone?
Left me for him he fucked you over and
I chose to exist for you and him and yet now I live through him for him to support him alone
Now I must live utterly alone
In time he will see the mother that made these choices in vein for a person’s selfishness
I can only breathe because that is all I have is to here the voice of my boy’s breath
His face a memory a little boy who loves his dad but unfortunately cannot be told this pain you have placed here in my heart
Will he understand?
Will he think I have given up on him?
What did I do to deserve this?
The fishing trips will he remember
Going to dad’s softball games
The memories are here to stay in my mind haunting me of what I can no longer embrace
I watched him sleep that last weekend we had and I thought of the memories I thought of all the things I have done wrong and what I could have done
I am sorry I feel I have failed you
My promise to you Anthony is daddy will never stop breathing until we can be together I will do me until I can be there to do us.
I love you