Empty Explanation

My life I look at, through this glass of broken dreams
No sense of hope or comfort, but despair, chiseled deep in meaning
About a searchlight, search for everywhere,
Take one look at what I found
Maybe misery isn't all so bad, overwhelming, crushing, terror profound
Can I hope to see anew, in this searchlight's comfort glow
Can I seek a better chance, just for survival, better than what I've known?
I'm dull, I'm rusty; Vile, extinguished, and every other waste
But truly through all this pain, this suffering's fearsome taste
Not trivial, But TREMBLE, at these charges, I myself make
What does it feel like to try again, But free from sordid, deliberate mistakes
Cannot comprehend, I panic, but even fear cannot consider
Cannot make my searchlight shine, I'm blind by filth that glitters
Make it up, Redo, Retry, Try again, explore another
Surely yet there must be, exciting future choices to discover
Cannot even sing along, humble heart, where did it once exist
My existence futile...Grace has left, gone, the priceless gift
Beauty only can be made, but never can be wrought
Beauty bleached and over-dried, but far removed from what is sought
Constricting, Confusing, ...Sure, this heart is losing
Left but for another moment, wonder if my angels know this
Who could ask-would dare to -do I dare here and now
Or any time soon, can I beg for release or any way out?
Sever me, from this carcass, not worth this wonderful fabric
Not worth the Miracle [Forgiveness] or any sort of magic