The Green Fields of Space

A vast ship floating through space is fascinating- for a while, until finally…

His friends had played Space Oddity for him as they drove to the launch site that early morning. ‘Though I’ve crossed one hundred thousand miles, I’m feeling very still,’ rang in his mind, not as a thought, but as a far away tune. David Bowie had no idea how far one could go in nine years. He sang aloud, “And I don’t think my spaceship knows which way to go o oh.”

The book in his hand was named The Green Fields and it was by a very well respected 19th century writer from England. Geoff had never been to England. In fact, he had only been around the United States of America and to Tijuana, Mexico. When he was twenty years old, freshly graduated from Harvey Mudd College, he thought about travelling the world, but decided instead to work towards his present position: deep space explorer.

He realized he was no longer reading. As he closed the book, still sitting, he stared through the living room wall in front of him and out into the void.

The fanatics had been around the gate as they drove through. They had laughed at these new age hipsters with their signs foretelling doom. One would think it was the Middle Ages or something, his friend quipped. What was his name again?

His grandmother had been there to send him off. She had cried.

That was the day he had met Elayne. Since that day they had been together every day, and every night except, of course, for the first on board. It had been looked down upon to fraternize with the crew so soon. He had had to explain; no they had had to explain together, that they did not care. This was what both of them wanted.

What did it used to look like…? “Planet Earth is blue, and there’s nothing I can do ooo...”

Getting a sandwich was not like it used to be. Just this. The artificial meat tasted almost exactly like... like artificial meat.

He sat in the cafeteria, chewing his food stolidly, holding the sandwich blandly up to his mouth. His girlfriend was over talking cheerfully with Roger. He looked over to her now, and she seemed to glow, peering into Roger’s eyes. Turning her head to see him now, a frown crossed her face. She waved, “Hey hon!”

She excused herself and walked over, her hips swaying. She sat across from him.

“Good food?”

“What was that all about?”

“What was what all about?”

“You know… Roger.”

He was oblivious to the hurt in her eyes. He said nothing.

“Hon, you’ve never been like this before,” she said.

“Neither have you.”

She pursed her lips, stopped breathing. “Look, I have to go pick up Raylie. We’ll talk about this later.”

“Raylie?”

“Yes. Our daughter?”

“Ya, I just didn’t realize it was time to get her.”

“Don’t worry, I’m going.” And she was gone.

With a shrug Geoff took the last bite, and chewed.

Raylie sat on his lap now as he read the words aloud, his voice deep like a father’s. “The green fields were dotted with color painted flowers.” She pointed at the book, cooing her satisfaction. “The sun set over the horizon, the sky smattered with orange and purple.”

“Time for bed Raylie,” came mother’s announcement.

As the girl climbed down from Daddy, expressing her dissatisfaction, she sang a made up tune about green fields. They were alone.

Elayne was wiping down the already-clean counter. Geoff sat alone. “I have some days off soon.”

“Mmhmm.”

“Maybe you should take some time off too.”

No answer.

“We could have a picnic.”

“Raylie would like that.”

“I was thinking Raylie could stay in the care center.”

She stopped wiping, looking into the wall. “Okay, sounds good to me.”

Raylie dreamed. The mother ship, which she called it, was hurtling towards a far distant planet. As the atmosphere tickled the hull at incredible speeds the ship glowed, yellow, then orange, then red.

In mommy and daddy’s bedroom the door opened. Quickly getting off his girlfriend Geoff half yelled, “Raylie, what is it?”

The little girl stood in the doorway, the hall lit up behind her. “We’re all going to die.”

“Oh, hon, did you have a bad dream?”

“Uh huh.”

Nothing to do. Geoff was walking absently through the hallways when a chill came over him. He paused, furrowed his brow, and continued on. Coming around a corner to the observation window Elayne was sitting there, as beautiful as ever. And that Roger, that no good… sitting together with her, with his back to him, was aware only of her eyes. Geoff froze. Listened.

“Geoff wants me to take some time off.”

“Does he suspect?”

“Not really.”

He saw his lover look over that man’s shoulder to see him standing there, still as death. Time passed, frozen. The numbness turned to rage. Turning, he left furiously, his mind in a tempest. Elayne did not follow him.

That night was spent in the bar. The liquor flowed, into the glass, into the mouth and along the bloodstream, racing through his brain. The drunkenness was like a dream, a nightmare where the illusions were shown for what they were. Roger embracing his girl. Tap went the glass on the bar. “You okay mister?”

“No.”

His only friend poured another drink.

Moaning. Screaming. His jaw was like stone.

The next morning he was not in the mood to eat as he hurried into the cafeteria. Roger was chit-chatting with someone or other as Geoff came up to him and shoved the back of his shoulder. “I want to talk to you.”

Roger’s smile was not for joy. He bared his teeth like a caged animal. “What about?”


The anger flowed. “You know damn well what about!”

Putting his hands out before him Roger tried to ease the onslaught. “Look, Geoff, you know there’s no exclusive relationships here...”

His nose was smashed in an instant. Blood spurt from the now-broken nose and Roger fell backwards onto the floor. The blood flowed. Cradling his face Roger looked truly hurt as he gazed into Geoff’s eyes and said, “Please. She doesn’t belong to you.”

The growl said otherwise as Geoff mounted his adversary, choking him mercilessly. The hands grabbing at his shoulders made him realize there were others around. He slithered out of their grip and…

Geoff awoke in a cell, barren as cells are wont to be. The headache was astounding. He touched his temple to find dried, caked blood.

The illusions were gone as he sat on his cot, clasping his head in his open hands. The moaning now was outward.

Sitting… pacing like this for hours was like time before the existence of time. Frantic now, he struck the hard metal wall with the side of his fist. It did not hurt.

Suddenly he remembered. He was being observed. His every action was being weighed to determine what was necessary. He screamed.

Momentarily a door could be heard opening down the hall, outside his cell. The footsteps were calm as they approached.

The woman was fifty something; not very attractive. She had an air of serene calm. “Hello Geoff,” she greeted without a smile.

Geoff stood, still, tense.

She continued, “My name is Lara. I’m here to help you.”

“Help me?” he gritted his teeth.

“Geoff. You need to realize this is a very serious situation.”

“Oh? Is it? I didn’t realize, thank you so much.”

Lara frowned her disapproval. “Geoff. I’m not going to give up on you, but...”

“What? I may give up on myself?”

The good doctor shut her mouth, looked askance… “…very well, Geoff,” she said half-mockingly. Without regard she turned and walked away.

When the door had shut him away again with that ‘clank’, he uttered, “Oh shit.”

He slept blankly that night. When he awoke the door opened with a clink. Two sets of footsteps were approaching. He would recognize the one on the left anywhere.

Elayne stood before him now. Beneath her eyes the skin was sunken and darkened from worry. “Geoff?” She looked at him sitting there on his little cot, breathing shallowly, looking away from himself.

“What do you want?”

Lara pursed her lips. Elayne looked to the good doctor for encouragement. She gave it with a look of assurances.

“I want to help you. I think... I just want you to be okay.”

Inside his frozen self he could almost hear himself, You think? You just want it to be okay?!

“Geoff?”

He peered her way in anger, “Leave.” She returned his gaze with frightened eyes.

Lara spoke up, “Geoff, you must confront your problems in a constructive manner.” Now she was genuinely concerned.

He burst. “Get out of here!”

“Geoff, you know what happens to those who are a danger to our society.”

Geoff looked into himself for long moments, and then with glaring eyes he found, somewhere far away, a sense of peace waiting. Anything to ease this pain.

He got upright, walked over and said into Lara’s eyes, “Leave. Now.”

“Fine.” As Lara led his now crying girlfriend away, through her tears his girlfriend was pleading, “Geoff!”

The door shut. He could still imagine them outside, away from himself.

Gossip filled the room. The committee sat along the heavy wooden bench. The psychologist on the far left. Elayne sat still, scared, not on the same side as her old man. There was knowledge among the crowd that the seats behind the accused were mostly filled because of lack of seating.

Geoff looked beaten. His head hung now as the cloud of the last two days filled his mind. It was at some time in his cell that he had repeated, “I will not… I will not…” like a mantra, growing ever louder, ever more forceful until finally he swung at the air and screamed, struck the cot with his fist, kicking everything. He felt better. He was still going to die.

“Lara will now decide,” the voice boomed.

Elayne shut her eyes tightly. Geoff raised his chin to face the moment, sat stonied, fist clenched like steel.

The elder psychologist did not bother to stand. “The accused has made no effort to make a return to society. Under the rules of survival, it is decided… the accused will be banished from the ship.”

Chatter… Two guards, one of them Roger, hesitated, and then came to take him away.

As the guards’ grip came upon his arms he became rigid. Then standing suddenly his voice burst forth, “Have your execution!” and with these booming words a profound silence descended. “I know what I have done, and I can know nothing else.”

As he went willingly now the gossip slowly came back to full volume.

He sat on his now familiar cot. Visions of happiness entered his brain, bringing intolerable grief. His daughter would be safe, and grow up not knowing her father. His girlfriend would find a new side to life. Roger would be a good man.

But the coming sense of peace would never leave him. It is not that he was happy. It is not that he did not care. He simply could not take it. He imagined himself back among the people he had known who, never knowing him, could never know him again. He could never understand them either. Alone… back down the hall was darkness. Enigmas crowded his mind. Words… morbid gossip uttered with vicious abandon. Faces. Then, finally, there was stillness. How long had he been sitting there? He allowed himself a full laugh, briefly, and then his eyes stopped seeing the walls around him. Then, around him a light grew brighter, not from the fluorescence in the ceiling, but in the air. Far away it seemed to him now. Go to it. It was time.

Roger was not there to lead him to his execution. The two escorts he did not recognize. His eyes were wide as he took his slightly shortened steps down the hall. His hands were cuffed before him, hanging penitently by his navel. “Don’t even think about trying anything,” said one. Geoff just continued on.

Entering the room outside the airlock the sudden hush spoke of guilty voices in conversation. Geoff did not look anybody in the eye until he walked past Elayne and Raylie. He stopped, looked down at his daughter, in shock. With a shove he continued on. The outer door opened before him. His breathing became sharp.

He could not look back for one reason: his daughter was there with wondering eyes. “Who will read to me about the green fields now?”

Geoff looked above him.

Elayne covered her little girl’s eyes. Raylie scratched them away from her. There were no tears being shed anywhere. The stars through the window twinkled in his eye. He could almost smile. He allowed himself a chuckle.

Looking out into the void, so all could hear, the man recited the last line of the old novel. “Through the green fields lay the long journey home.” All present felt the pain and emotion in his voice. They could not, for the life of them, comprehend.

“One last time. Do you admit to your wrongdoing?”

Geoff could almost not bear the silence. The answer, if voiced, would be worse. His soul cried out for freedom, soon- now. His gut forced short breaths out through his nostrils. He closed his eyes.

The executioner looked to the guardian of the lever, nodded his head... opened his mouth. Now, just before the act, and not since that first rush into space, the man sensed motion, though still he stood only on the edge of death, waiting. The stars seemed to fly by him, and no one else. He stopped breathing.

With a sigh the gates to the airlock opened, and the emptiness rushed in...