homeade cure

my eyelids feel like weights
they are halfway closed
salty tears are what my tongue tastes
as more tears trickle down my nose

laying naked in a tear filled bathtub
giving the water a tint of red
imagining my body being scrubbed
and wanting my brain to go dead

finally, i open my eyes
to observe what all ive done
i begin telling myself lies
while watching my own blood run

covered in my scared up flesh
wearing nothing but my shredded skin
lying in a pool of tears, blood and sweat
wondering if ive committed a sin

everything in the tub as turned cold
my body is out of control shaking
ive been there so long, i feel like bathtub mold
because i always satisfy my craving

struggling to stand on my own two feet
feeling my skin sliver down my bones
i glance down to check for destroyed meat
theres nothing but red milky water and the price of living at home

i step out of the tub one foot at a time
feeling the coldness of the floor
starring into the mirror convincing myself that everythings fine
but deep down i know itll happen more and more

i cleaned up my depression
then bandaged my arms
my face was full of concentration
then i realized ive been doing harm

i walked to my doorway
and didnt turn on the lights
my towel dropped and i felt my bodies decay
and all the emotional fights

i gently rolled into my covers
feeling the soft sheets against my skin
hoping ill become tougher
for when this happens again and again